Hey remember last year when I dumped all that stuff I mentioned above into one post? Guess what I’m doing again.
Look, you could say that it would take the same amount of time to put all this in separate posts. And you’d be wrong. These tags don’t just create themselves. Although if there is a way to do tags automatically I would feel like a big fucking moron. Oh well, I’m just going to keep on living thinking I have to type in all the pertinent tags to this post. Ignorance is bliss!
Let’s start with some postseason predictions. You read the two posts where I predicted the standings for all the conferences (and those four mangy Independents). At least I hope you did. If not, you might want to so it can prepare you for this because, ho boy, this could cause some people to think twice about my mental capacity. We begin with the top of the mountain, the College Football Playoff. Here is what I think the semi-finals will look like along with the rankings of the teams involved:
| January 1st |
Sugar Bowl |
#1 Georgia |
#4 Florida State |
| January 1st |
Rose Bowl |
#2 Michigan |
#3 Alabama |
Am I close to the experts’ picks? I don’t really know. I think Georgia is the easiest call here but the road to get there isn’t easy. Their regular season loss to Tennessee means they had to beat Alabama in the SEC Championship to be in the Top 4. I believe they do. I also believe Bama, being #1 going into conference championship weekend, wouldn’t fall four spots on a single loss to one of the best teams in the nation. So they stay in at #3 which I am sure will cause a ton of people to become irrational and use Twitter as a ridiculous sounding board and causing people to not want to talk about college football. Sorry…use X as a ridiculous sounding board and cause people to not want to talk about college football on social media. X. What a dumb fucking name. Anyway, Michigan should get in with a in in the Big Ten Championship, even if it is over a Minnesota team that would be near the bottom of the Top 25 going in. Finally, remember what I said about the Tide? Triple that hatred for this one. Florida State, I predict, will beat Clemson for the ACC title. The Tigers would come in to the game at #2 and FSU would be #5. I have the Noles moving up a spot and the Tigers being that one-loss team that loses out in this bunch. The amount of venom spewed by college football media and fans about this, rightly or wrongly, would be way over the top. I think it would be the first time (and would be the only time) that a team goes into conference championship weekend undefeated, loses, and tumbles out of the College Football Playoff when the smoke clears. And because of that, I hope this, or something like this happens because we need a ton of chaos for the final four-team CFP ever.
Now we go to the next tier down: the New Year’s Six. The final New Year’s Six. I would shed a tear but it feels like it’s hardly been around long enough:
| January 1st |
Fiesta Bowl |
#9 USC |
#11 Ohio State |
| December 30th |
Orange Bowl |
#5 Clemson |
#7 Tennessee |
| December 30th |
Peach Bowl |
#8 Penn State |
#10 Notre Dame |
| December 29th |
Cotton Bowl |
#6 Texas |
#14 UTSA |
Do the games look interesting? Absolutely. Could there be some debate as to who is here, who isn’t and where everyone should go (and how they get there)? Absolutely. Am I backing down from these predictions? Absolutely not. I mean if this was the 12-team playoff, I am sure people would debate that as well but you can’t tell me none of these teams would be worthy of being there. That’s crazy. “Durr, Texas doesn’t deserve to be there. They won’t even be bowl-eligible.” Yeah go fuck yourself if you think that. That’s just plain dumb.
Alright, enough anger, more analysis. Let’s start with Clemson since that’s the easiest one to explain. They were #2 and undefeated, lost to Florida State in the ACC Championship, so they get the Orange Bowl spot reserved for the top ACC team remaining. Simple. The Pac-12, in their final unglorious season, will again beat each other up making it impossible for one team to come out unscathed. So the ninth-ranked Trojans will head to the Fiesta Bowl after winning the Pac-12 title. Ohio State slots in as their opponent although it could easily be Penn State. The reasoning here is that tOSU already plays Notre Dame during the season and it makes more sense for USC to play in Phoenix than Penn State for bowl season. Those Longhorns I mentioned? They go off into the sunset, leaving the Big XII as conference champions. It puts them in the Cotton Bowl against the best Group of Five team. I think Tulane almost runs the table during the regular season and gets a pretty healthy lead in the rankings over the next best teams, UTSA and Boise State. The Roadrunners’ win in the AAC Championship would trump anything the Broncos do and, should be enough to leapfrog the Green Wave to sneak into the final NY6 spot. Let’s be honest here: Texas-UTSA at AT&T Stadium for the Cotton Bowl is an instant sellout, no doubt about it.
Now for the rest of the bowl extravaganza:
| January 1st |
Citrus Bowl |
#12 LSU |
Minnesota |
| January 1st |
ReliaQuest Bowl |
#20 South Carolina |
Michigan State |
| December 30th |
Arizona Bowl |
San Diego State |
Toledo |
| December 30th |
Music City Bowl |
Ole Miss |
#17 Iowa |
| December 29th |
Liberty Bowl |
Texas A&M |
#16 TCU |
| December 29th |
Sun Bowl |
Duke |
#24 Utah |
| December 29th |
Gator Bowl |
Kentucky |
#21 North Carolina |
| December 28th |
Alamo Bowl |
#19 Kansas State |
#18 Oregon |
| December 28th |
Pop Tarts Bowl |
Pittsburgh |
Oklahoma |
| December 28th |
Pinstripe Bowl |
Maryland |
Louisville |
| December 28th |
Fenway Bowl |
Syracuse |
FAU |
| December 27th |
Texas Bowl |
Arkansas |
Baylor |
| December 27th |
Holiday Bowl |
Miami |
#13 Oregon State |
| December 27th |
Duke’s Mayo Bowl |
Wake Forest |
Auburn |
| December 27th |
Military Bowl |
NC State |
#15 Tulane |
| December 26th |
Guaranteed Rate Bowl |
San Jose State |
Oklahoma State |
| December 26th |
First Responder Bowl |
UCF |
East Carolina |
| December 26th |
Quick Lane Bowl |
Illinois |
Ohio |
| December 23rd |
Hawaii Bowl |
SMU |
Fresno State |
| December 23rd |
Las Vegas Bowl |
#23 Wisconsin |
Washington State |
| December 23rd |
68 Ventures Bowl |
South Alabama |
Middle Tennessee |
| December 23rd |
Idaho Potato Bowl |
Air Force |
Miami-OH |
| December 23rd |
Armed Forces Bowl |
Kansas |
UTEP |
| December 23rd |
Birmingham Bowl |
Mississippi State |
North Texas |
| December 23rd |
Camellia Bowl |
Appalachian State |
New Mexico State |
| December 22nd |
Gasparilla Bowl |
UCLA |
James Madison |
| December 21st |
Boca Raton Bowl |
Coastal Carolina |
UConn |
| December 19th |
Frisco Bowl |
Marshall |
Navy |
| December 18th |
Myrtle Beach Bowl |
Southern Miss |
Buffalo |
| December 16th |
Independence Bowl |
Texas Tech |
Memphis |
| December 16th |
LA Bowl |
#22 Washington |
#25 Boise State |
| December 16th |
New Mexico Bowl |
Wyoming |
Louisiana |
| December 16th |
Cure Bowl |
Army |
Georgia Southern |
| December 16th |
New Orleans Bowl |
Troy |
WKU |
| December 16th |
Bahamas Bowl |
Eastern Michigan |
Liberty |
That is a lot of bowl games. I am not complaining. I am fully embracing the Sickos mentality of all football is good football. Even arena football if you can believe it! And why am I not complaining? Because I am desperate for the season to start. Talk to me in mid-December and I may have a slightly different answer. Some notes on these bowl games:
- The teams that juuuuuuust missed out on the New Year’s Six train to nowhere include LSU, Oregon State, Tulane and TCU.
- Quite a few teams would be playing close to home, including Mississippi State travelling to relatively close by Birmingham, Air Force with a not-so-long drive north into Idaho, South Alabama playing exactly 0 kilometres from their home stadium in the renamed 68 Ventures Bowl, Ohio venturing into hostile territory to play in the Quick Lane Bowl and Wake Forest making their way to hopefully get their coach dumped with mayo in the Duke’s Mayo Bowl.
- Hey remember what I said two posts ago about James Madison and a surprise for their fans? I know that was a lot of reading ago. Look, there won’t be enough teams to satisfy all the bowl slots. I have a feeling that will be a trend going forward. And because of that, the Dukes will have the opportunity to go to a bowl if they are invited before the team with the best APR score. And I’m sure at least one bowl would do that since JMU should be good once again this season. Man, do I ever hate the transition rule. I get the first year coming up that you shouldn’t qualify for anything. Get your feet wet. Sure. Longer than that is just the NCAA being insufferable dicks and not updating policies that are over 50 years old.
- As for those 5-7 teams making bowls they would be Georgia Southern, Buffalo, and Navy (which would kill my scenario for the Army-Navy Game).
I guess I should mention who I think will win the whole thing. Well, I’ve got Georgia beating Florida State and Michigan beating Bama in the semis and then the Wolverines ending the three-peat talk by beating the Dawgs in Houston for the title. Then Khaki Jim can ride off into the sunset…that sunset being back to the NFL.
Well look who is back in the FBS. Rich God Damn Rodriguez! He is at the helm of one of FBS’s newest teams, the Jacksonville State Gamecocks. I’m sure it won’t be an amazing season for the team but man, who thought he would be back at the top level of college football? Probably a few although I wondered if he was basically done being a head coach at this level. Shows what I know.
Hey, hey it’s HOT SEAT TIME! Last year my top two were jettisoned and Herm got an all-timer of an on-field shitcanning. I am still surprised some made it to this season (I am looking at you Mike Bloomgren) but all in all this list is a list I am actually proud of since I actually do well at it, as morbid as that sounds.
Alright let’s get to the list. Going with the new categorizations as well this time around. Let’s go!
Almost Guaranteed Shitcanning
- Neal Brown (West Virginia) – He was #3 on my list last season and I honestly don’t know how he is still employed in Morgantown. And it’s not like things are looking super rosy there. Needed to keep his job – Honestly? A fucking miracle. Prediction – A mid-to-late-season shitcanning and no job next year as he starts quite a few rungs down the ladder in 2025.
- Danny Gonzales (New Mexico) – Now let’s head to the southwest and a place that is very difficult to win at. Other than Rocky Long I don’t think anyone has really done anything of note in Albuquerque. The problem becomes how long do you give a coach a chance to win at a place where victories are at a premium? Honestly, Gonzales would be lower down the list if it wasn’t for what Jerry Kill did down the road in Las Cruces last year. Needed to keep his job – Vying for a bowl spot in the final two weeks of the regular season. Prediction – Near the bottom of the Mountain West pecking order yet again and maybe even a late-season firing.
- Dana Holgorsen (Houston) – Look, Drunk Uncle Dana is entertaining. But the shtick gets old. And if they are as mediocre as I believe they will be in their first year in the Big XII, it’ll be lights out for Holgorsen. Needed to keep his job – Bowl eligibility, period. Prediction – I don’t think they will even have a shot at a bowl game in the final week of the season meaning Dana’s fate will be pretty much sealed by that point.
- Eliah Drinkwitz (Missouri) – I don’t like harping on a guy’s looks but this guy looks more like Milton from Office Space than a college football head coach. Which is perfectly fine…if you win. This guy has hovered around .500 since coming to CoMo and I think a year under .500 would be the final straw. Needed to keep his job – At least a .500 record if not an upset or two inside the SEC. Prediction – I see him falling one game short of his goal and the athletic department feeling like they have to make a move now rather than wait.
- Mike Neu (Ball State) – Neu has had his moments at Ball State but really hasn’t rose above an also-ran in the MAC. The Cardinals seem to consistently sit near the bottom of the MAC West which gives plenty of reason for a coach to get jettisoned. Needed to keep his job – Bowl eligibility. That’s it, that’s all. Prediction – I can’t see them winning more than four games this season so expect him to be the most likely MAC head coach to be fired first.
Probable Shitcanning
- Ricky Rahne (Old Dominion) – Rahne really has not been able to recreate some of the magic that his predecessor, Bobby Wilder, had. I’m not saying the Monarchs were great under Wilder: but they were fun to watch and competed hard. Haven’t seen as much of that under Double R. Needed to keep his job – Be competitive and play some meaningful November football. Prediction – Quite possibly the worst Group of Five team and a tough decision to be made by the athletic director.
- Tom Allen (Indiana) – Where are the 2020 Indiana Hoosiers? We can finally say that that version of the team was a complete aberration which sucks for their fans. Allen really is on borrowed time but there is the slight possibility he is kept on when the brand-new Big Ten starts next season without divisions. A SLIGHT possibility. Needed to keep his job – 4 or even 5 wins and looking more competitive against some better Big Ten teams. Prediction – 3 wins and a quiet exit (for Tom).
- Mike Bloomgren (Rice) – The bloom comes off the rose yadda, yadda, yadda. One of these years I am going to be right about this guy. Not that I want to be: I am just genuinely befuddled as to why this guy is still the head coach at Rice. Needed to keep his job – Not looking like a punching bag moving up to the American Conference. Prediction – Four wins which isn’t bad but some bad losses inside the conference and finally his removal from the sidelines.
Possible Shitcanning
- Billy Napier (Florida) – Napier suffers from the fact that even if the previous few coaches have ended up as disasters they had their successes as well. He hasn’t done anything and the Gators were barely bowl-eligible with a supposed franchise quarterback under centre. Now it’s a step back. It comes down to how far of a step back he will be allowed. Needed to keep his job – Bowl eligibility should do the trick. Prediction – I have them missing out on the postseason so there should be plenty of angry fans in Gainesville.
- Brent Pry (Virginia Tech) – Poor Brent. Last season wasn’t too bad when he took over the Hokies. This season on the other hand…I don’t see good things in Blacksburg. Maybe I’ll be wrong (and lord knows I have been wrong in the past) but if it’s as tough a season as I think it will be for VaTech, Pry might be fine with being done as head coach. Needed to keep his job – Some improvement over last year. Prediction – I have the Hokies winning only one game this season. One. That is not improvement. At all.
- Greg Schiano (Rutgers) – I don’t know where Rutgers goes from here. They’ve had a tough slog since joining the Big Ten. They are the butt of pretty much every realignment joke and meme. And I’m not sure firing Schiano, their best coach ever, will fix anything. But at some point, changes have to be made to at least try and improve. Needed to keep his job – At least 4 wins but more to be competitive inside the Big Ten. Prediction – 4 wins but the competitiveness part…yeah I don’t know about that.
- Terry Bowden (ULM) – Same spot for Terry as last year. I honestly don’t know the end game for all of this. I can’t see him coaching the Warhawks into being a top notch Sun Belt team. Is he grooming the next head coach? It’s very confusing. That’s why I put him here and not higher up the list. Needed to keep his job – Have a better record than last year and put a scare into a few of the better Sun Belt teams. Prediction – Last year I predicted one win for them. This year it’s two. Something has to give at some point.
- Shawn Elliott (Georgia State) – Look, it’s not like Georgia State is a destination coaching spot. Saying that, the Sun Belt has become a lot tougher over the past half-a-decade. So if you’re not moving forward, you’re falling further behind. And this is what it feels like with Georgia State. They aren’t getting worst but they aren’t improving and quite a few teams are leaving them in their dust. Needed to keep his job – Competitive football in November and possibility for bowl eligibility during the final week. Prediction – I have them at 4 wins this season so this could be an interesting off-season decision in Atlanta.
- Scot Loeffler (Bowling Green) – This is Scott (with one T)’s fifth season at Bowling Green. I don’t know why that surprises me but it does. The Falcons really haven’t done anything other than sneak into one bowl game in his tenure. It is, however, Bowling Green so the expeectations are a lot lower here. At some point, though, thre has to be some semblance of results and this guy just isn’t delivering. Needed to keep his job – Bowl eligibility and looking like a contender in the MAC East. Prediction – No bowl game and they won’t look like a contender. Saying that, he may still be around for 2024 but on a very short leash.
- Jeff Hafley (Boston College) – It has been a struggle on the Hill for Hafley and with no divisions there’s nowhere really to hide now in the ACC. The lack of success over the past decade-plus could be what keeps Hafley on for 2024. Needed to keep his job – 5 wins and having a shot at a bowl on the final weekend. Prediction – 5 wins and they will have two shots to claim bowl eligibilty and will fail at both but it will be enough for another year with Hafley.
Doubtful Shitcanning (although it still could happen)
- Justin Wilcox (California) – Wilcox might not have to worry if Cal just shuts down the entire program. I’m only half-joking with that sentence. I think the athletic department has much bigger things to worry about right now. Meaning if Wilcox is fired it might be done by text. Needed to keep his job – Possible bowl contention. Prediction – They aren’t going to a bowl game and it looks like, for now, they have to be thinking about filling a schedule for 2024 more than dealing with their below-average head coach.
- Mel Tucker (Michigan State) – Tucks signed for a lot of money to coach in East Lansing so last year better be an aberration. Let’s be honest: even with being in arguably the toughest division in college football, the Spartans will be much improved this season. Shouldn’t be much of a worry here unless they come out of the gate VERY slowly. Needed to keep his job – Probably 7 wins. Prediction – He will get them to 7 and maybe, just maybe, they will put a scare into one of the top three teams in the division.
- Dana Dimel (UTEP) – Dimel must have been thanking his lucky stars once he saw the exodus from Conference USA. Having a few newcomers join makes things a bit easier for the Miners this year and gives Dimel one more year, almost certainly, on the job. Next season? Who knows. Needed to keep his job – Fighting for bowl eligibility during the final weekend. Prediction – They should be bowl eligible in early November so the pressure will be off…for now.
- Thomas Hammock (Northern Illinois) – It feels like every other year at NIU things look good. And then every other year things look bad. And so forth. So it should be good this year in Dekalb, no?. Needed to keep his job – Look like a contender in the MAC West. Prediction – I have them at five wins so maybe they will shock me?
- Don Brown (UMass) – Probably the toughest job for a head coach in FBS is being the head man at UMass. I have said for years now that the Minutemen should just drop to the FCS. I still think they should but I do understand the financial ramifications. Still, at some point don’t you think the fans yearn for something more than a couple of wins a season at most? Needed to keep his job – Win a game. Any game. Prediction – I think they win one game and I’m not guaranteeing it will be against their one FCS opponent. Brown should be fine going into 2024.
I think I say this ever year but I have to go back one day and really determine how good I am at this coaching hot seat list. I feel I do well and I hope the numbers would back me up. But I am used to disappointment so I am not holding my breath.
There’s a reason I don’t get a Heisman ballot. I am sure if even if I was the most prominent college football journalist in the land they would say “Sorry, Bossman, no can do.” Probably because my ballots have been mostly garbage in the past. Let’s see if I can somehow do better this year. Let’s just get to my ballot before I regret even posting this.
Bossman’s Heisman Ballot of Mediocrity
- Jordan Travis, Florida State – I know everyone and their mother is picking Caleb Williams to win the Heisman. I can’t see that happening because voters almost seem to want to avoid giving any player not named Archie Griffin back-to-back Heismans and most of the time it goes to a player on a team that’s in the Top 4 (or close to it). Travis is predicted to at least go to New York for the ceremony so it’s not like I am way off here. Plus, I think his passing stats will explode as FSU hits the CFP for the first time in what feels like forever.
- Caleb Williams, USC – Because I don’t have the Trojans winning the title this season or getting to the College Football Playoff is one of the main reasons I think Williams doesn’t win his second Heisman. He should be close to his passing stats from last season and at least he will make the voters think twice all year as he will never be far from the top of the Heisman hopefuls list.
- Drake Maye, North Carolina – Maye is only a sophomore this season so he may be prepping for his true Heisman run in 2024. He will turn a lot of heads this season, though, with UNC battling FSU and Clemson at the top of the ACC.
- Bo Nix, Oregon – Bo’s move from the SEC to the Pac-12 was huge and reinvigorated his fledgling career. Much of the Ducks’ hopes this year to win the Pac-12 in their swan song season rests on his shoulders and it is going to be a dogfight at the top. One huge game from Bo in a big conference game could put Oregon in the national title picture.
- Marvin Harrison Jr., Ohio State – As long as the Buckeyes can figure out who is going to be flinging the ball over the field at quarterback, Harrison should have a monster season. There is an outside chance that he will be the #1 pick in the NFL Draft so I am sure he will be going all-out all season. As long as Ryan Day doesn’t decide to run the ball a lot more this season, Harrison is tOSU’s ticket to New York.
- Michael Penix Jr., Washington – I believe that, as is the case lately, that the Pac-12 teams will beat each other up and no one will be high enough in the rankings to be in the CFP. For some players it’s not a huge issue (see: Williams, Caleb last year). For some, it’s the main reason they either don’t win the Heisman or don’t get invited to New York at all. I see Penix being one of those guys. Washington will be very good but not quite good enough and stuck in a group of six teams that are all pretty damn good this year. Playing out west doesn’t help either, despite what some may say.
- J.J. McCarthy, Michigan – Here is the guy under center (centre?) who will finally push Michigan over the top this year. He won’t throw for a shit-ton of yards but it will be enough (along with this ground game) to put him in the Heisman conversation for a bit at least. A win over tOSU alone may give him the New York invite (if it was up to Michigan fans).
- Quinn Ewers, Texas – Texas is probably a huge dark horse pick to win it all this year and Ewers has to be considered a bit of a dark horse Heisman cadidate. The only thing that could make this not the case is if he has a bad quarter or two and Sark gets an itchy trigger finger and puts Arch Manning in for longer than a few series.
- Cade Klubnik, Clemson – The Fighting Dabos are going to be back on top…at least through the regular season. I don’t think many will be surprised with this. I’m not fully sold on Klubnik but he is an improvement on D.J. Uiagalelei and the Tigers defense will be able to pick up the slack when he struggles a bit. But those struggles will cost him a seat at the Heisman table I’m sure.
- Jayden Daniels, LSU – Hey, have you ever remembred a time where the quality of the quarterbacks in the SEC has been this low? Not saying Daniels isn’t good because he is. But there are a few teams, Alabama and Georgia most notably, that have potential QB issues this season in the SEC and a few other teams that have returning quarterbacks that are honestly just above-average at best. Daniels may get some Heisman talk just because he may end up being that much better than any other QB in the conference.
Honourable Mention
- Blake Corum, Michigan
- Sam Hartman, Notre Dame
- Joe Milton III, Tennessee
- Braelon Allen, Wisconsin
- Kyle McCord, Ohio State
- Drew Allar, Penn State
- Harold Perkins, LSU
- Brock Bowers, Georgia
- J.T. Tuimoloau, Ohio State
There you go. If one of those nineteen aforementioned players wins the Heisman, I will feel…well, good is not quite correct. Satisfied? Sure, let’s go with that.
The college football predictions…..they are complete! In a little less than half a year from now, I will find out how poorly I did. Gee, I can’t wait.
At some point soon I will do my lovely NFL predictions which are sure to also be not fully correct. Then…….Week…..Fucking…….ZERO!!!!!! I will have the schedule up at least a few days before the games commence. And yes, if you are looking for games on the specialty pack, don’t. Week Zero has almost never shown Week Zero games. Almost. Kind of a crapshoot with these idiotic Canadian cable companies. Enjoy your week everyone!
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