How Did I Do? – 2016 NFL Draft Edition

Yeah that pretty much sums it up.  My final mock draft wasn’t even close on almost every pick.  To be honest, I am sure I didn’t get even one right.  Pretty sad.  Then again, almost everyone’s mock drafts blew up before the draft even began thanks to some Laremy Tunsil shenanigans.

That one picture made day one of the draft this year the goofiest, craziest draft day ever.  I do feel for Laremy somewhat.  Who knows how long ago that pic was taken and the fact his Twitter account (along with his Instagram account later on) was hacked is no laughing matter.  Sounds like a former financial advisor of his is the guilty party here (probably a guy who was cut out right before Mister Tunsil was ready to make some serious cash).  Saying all that, why do people in all walks of life continue to have pictures and videos that could potentially be harmful to them or others?  We are in an era where people love to overshare and get burned by it or they forget to delete that incriminating video or dick pic or naked selfie.  They make their lives (usually) much more stressful than they have to be with this shit.

A few notes before we get started with the team rankings:

• Great on the Cowboys picking Jaylon Smith on day two. The guy won’t be playing the entire 2016 season but the hope is he will be a force in 2017.  If he gets healthy this might be one of the steals of the decade as every other team seemed scared to take him.
• Hats off also to the Ravens for picking local boy (somewhat) Keenan Reynolds. Getting athletes that can play a few different positions (he’s a quarterback that was drafted as a wide receiver) is smart for any team.  If used properly he could be a huge part of Baltimore’s offense for years to come.
• Finally, a great pick by Minnesota in the sixth round. Moritz Boehringer, a wide receiver selected straight outta Germany, started playing football after watching videos of Adrian Peterson.  A few years later the Vikings make his dreams come true by drafting him.  Thing is he could be quite the draftee.  Runs a sub-4.5 40 and is a big target.  Give him a year on the practice squad and then watch out since he’s a raw talent if there ever was one.

Alright enough draft overview.  Now on to team ratings.  I will go over first round picks, any other great picks, and maybe some bad picks or early round stretches.  This will be done on the Mel Kiper Ocho Scale.  Before I begin I have to say ESPN’s coverage was mediocre at best.  Not bad, just nothing special.  Kiper was fine (although he looks like he’s staring into the sun when he’s on camera).  Berman was his usual annoying, idiotic self with nothing to add to the telecast.  What surprised me was Jon Gruden just being a nobody most of the night.  Maybe he’s still upset with Tirico leaving the four-letter network.  Alright here we go!

8 Mel Kipers (You dun good!)

Jacksonville (First pick: Jalen Ramsey, Other Notable Picks: Myles Jack, Yannick Ngakoue, Tyrone Holmes) – I would say the winner of the draft was the Jacksonville Jaguars.  Unfortunately for me, Colin Cowherd also said the same thing.  I don’t like agreeing with the man but in this case he is right.  The pick of Myles Jack alone puts them in the top tier.  Getting Ramsey when they got him was great value.  No real bad picks at all.  A great draft.

Cincinnati (First pick: William Jackson, Other Notable Picks: Nick Vigil, Andrew Billings, Christian Westerman) – Getting Jackson was a pretty good pick but he was expected to be picked around there.  Getting Billings where they got him was huge as I (along with many others) had him as a day two pick.  Just like the Jaguars, the Bengals had no bad picks.

Baltimore (First pick: Ronnie Stanley, Other Notable Picks: Bronson Kaufusi, Kenneth Dixon, Keenan Reynolds, Maurice Canady) – A great three days for the Ravens.  I touched on Reynolds on how that was a good (yet shrewd) pick.  Getting Canady as low as he did was a steal as one of my mocks had him as a second rounder.

Houston (First pick: Will Fuller, Other Notable Picks: Braxton Miller, K.J. Dillon) – A solid draft but not spectacular.  The picks of Miller and Dillon are exceptional with no real weak spots.

7 Mel Kipers (Hey, good stuff!)

Pittsburgh (First pick: Artie Burns, Other Notable Picks: Sean Davis, Javon Hargrave, Tyler Matakevich) – Despite the fact they may have had one of the biggest stretches of the first round, picking Artie Burns who probably would have been there during their second round selection, they made up for it with pretty good picks the rest of the way, highlighted by Matakevich late.

Chicago (First pick: Leonard Floyd, Other Notable Picks: Cody Whitehair, Jonathan Bullard) – Floyd was a good pick and fits perfectly with what the Bears needed.  The Bears and linebackers go together like peanut butter and jelly (supposedly).  No bad picks but nothing spectacular afterwards.

Los Angeles (First pick: Jared Goff, Other Notable Picks: Tyler Higbee, Pharoh Cooper) – Goff was an easy choice and now the Rams have their franchise quarterback (sorry Nick Foles).  Cooper in the fourth round was a steal and I think Higbee could be a great weapon for Goff.

Indianapolis (First pick: Ryan Kelly, Other Notable Picks: Le’Raven Clark, Hassan Ridgeway, Austin Blythe) – To say the Colts went out of their way to find protection for Andrew Luck is a VAST understatement.  The rest of the AFC South better watch out if this new O-line including Kelly and Clark protects Luck the way they could.

6 Mel Kipers (Still doing well)

Green Bay (First pick: Kenny Clark, Other Notable Picks: Jason Spriggs, Kyler Fackrell) – Clark and Spriggs alone put the Packers at least at the 5 Kiper level.  No bad picks and Kenny Clark was a decent first rounder.

Washington (First pick: Josh Doctson, Other Notable Picks: Su’a Cravens, Kendall Fuller) – Doctson, in my opinion, is better than Will Fuller who was drafted in the slot before him.  I’m sure Kirk Cousins likes that pick (YOU LIKE THAT?).  Kendall Fuller was also a great pick as I had him late first round/early second round for most of my mocks.

San Diego (First pick: Joey Bosa, Other Notable Picks: Hunter Henry, Joshua Perry) – Bosa was a fantastic pick at three.  The Chargers, in their lame duck San Diego season, will give their fans a treat…before they fuck off for LA.

Miami (First pick: Laremy Tunsil, Other Notable Picks: Xavien Howard, Kenyan Drake, Jakeem Grant) – Miami obviously has some balls to pick Tunsil.  Either that or they realize he was a college student (and therefore, prone to make stupid mistakes) and that he probably isn’t Ricky Williams.  Drake was overshadowed by Derrick Henry but is a definite talent in the backfield.

5 Mel Kipers (OK, you’re not doing too badly)

Minnesota (First pick: Laquon Treadwell, Other Notable Picks: Mackensie Alexander, Kentrell Brothers, Moritz Boehringer) – I touched on Boehringer earlier.  I think Treadwell was the best WR in the draft and if he and MoBo team with AP and Teddy Ballgame, the Vikings could be the team to beat in the NFC North, if not the entire NFC…in 2017.

NY Giants (First pick: Eli Apple, Other Notable Picks: Sterling Shepard, B.J. Goodson, Paul Perkins) – Apple was a huge stretch in the first round.  Besides that, WHO WILL COOK FOR HIM?  Shepard and Perkins are underrated picks for the offense and should work well in the Big Apple (more so than the Eli Apple).

NY Jets (First pick: Darron Lee, Other Notable Pick: Christian Hackenberg) – A pretty average draft for the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS.  It will be interesting to see what Hackenberg can do with an offensive line that isn’t basically cardboard cutouts of fat guys.

Oakland (First pick: Karl Joseph, Other Notable Picks: Shilique Calhoun, Vadal Alexander) – Calhoun as late as he was picked was a steal.  I’m not totally sold on Karl Joseph but I will say it was still a good pick.  How will these guys feel about playing in the Vegas heat though?

4 Mel Kipers (Alright now things aren’t looking so swell)

Buffalo (First pick: Shaq Lawson, Other Notable Picks: Reggie Ragland, Cardale Jones) – You could say the Bills had an OK draft.  The Bills Mafia may put you through a table for your troubles though.  Lawson and Ragland were good, not great, picks.  Jones could end up being a great player but I wouldn’t piss off Tyrod Taylor too much more or otherwise they will have to find out how good Cardale is now (which probably is not that great).

New Orleans (First pick: Sheldon Rankins, Other Notable Pick: Michael Thomas) – Rankins was a pretty good pick for the Saints.  Honestly, I put the Saints here because they didn’t have more picks to fuck things up since it kept getting worse for them as the draft went on.

Arizona (First pick: Robert Nkemdiche, Other Notable Pick: Evan Boehm) – What was it with Ole Miss?  I can see a big fat probation for the Rebs this season.  Too bad since the players were all drafted lower than they should have been.  Nkemdiche was no exception.  Other than him and Boehm though, the Cards had a sub-par draft.

Seattle (First pick: Germain Ifedi, Other Notable Picks: Jarran Reed, C.J. Prosise) – I honestly think Prosise was a fantastic pick for the Seahawks.  Reed was also picked later than I thought he would go.  Other than that, a lot of meh for the Seahawks.

3 Mel Kipers (Things are going downhill)

Denver (First pick: Paxton Lynch, Other Notable Pick: Devontae Booker) – Lynch will be the quarterback of the future in the Mile High City and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be the best QB in this draft.  Booker was a solid pick (Denver and running backs…huh, who would have thought?).  But picking a fullback AND a punter in the same draft?  For shame Elway.

Dallas (First pick: Ezekiel Elliott, Other Notable Picks: Jaylon Smith, Dak Prescott) – Elliott was probably selected too high but there was no guarantee he’d be there for the Cowboys second pick.  Dallas’ pick of Smith was a nice touch and possibly the smartest move of the draft.  Dak could be sneaky good but the rest of the picks weren’t good at all with Darius Jackson and Rico Gathers back-to-back late being some of the worst in the entire draft.

New England (First pick: Cyrus Jones, Other Notable Pick: Joe Thuney) – The Patriots almost always end near the bottom of these team rankings.  I don’t think Belichick gives a single fuck about that stat either.  At least one of these not-so-notable picks will end up being an All-Pro one day.  We all know it.

Tampa Bay (First pick: Vernon Hargreaves, Other Notable Picks: Noah Spence, Roberto Aguayo) – The Bucs are getting a lot of shit for picking Aguayo in the second round.  Thing is the guy is cash money.  One of the best kickers of the past decade in college football.  However, it was the second round when he would have been available in the fifth I’m sure.  That and also picking a fullback means the Bucs land here.

2 Mel Kipers (Why did you show up again?)

Tennessee (First pick: Jack Conklin, Other Notable Picks: Kalan Reed) – When Mr. Irrelevant could be your best pick of the draft, you might have a problem.  I kind of wished the Titans kept trading and ended up with 20+ picks in next year’s draft.

Atlanta (First pick: Keanu Neal, Other Notable Pick: Deion Jones) – Their first pick was named Keanu and he wasn’t a white guy actor without facial expressions at all times.  I was disappointed.  I was also disappointed in the Falcons draft class.  Pretty crappy.

San Francisco (First pick: DeForest Buckner, Other Notable Picks: None) – If they hadn’t picked Buckner (who may have been one of the best two or three picks of the entire draft) then I might have put the Niners on the bottom.  You’d have though Jim Tomsula was still there acting like he had no idea what was going on.  But no, it was Chip Kelly.  So, close enough?

Cleveland (First pick: Corey Coleman, Other Notable Picks: Shon Coleman, Scooby Wright III) – So the Browns had like a thousand picks and could only get two good ones.  They missed on two better receivers early on and it just got worse from there.  But it is the Browns so I kind of expected it.

1 Mel Kiper (Complete and utter shitshow)

Kansas City (First pick: Chris Jones, Other Notable Picks: None) – Jones was a good pick and he looked very excited to become a Chief, even if Andy Reid is his coach.  But when Kevin Hogan is arguably your best pick after that, you should have just traded all your picks Ditka style and tried to get the top three picks next season.

Carolina (First pick: Vernon Butler, Other Notable Picks: None) – It’s like the Panthers weren’t even there.  No one notable picked, not even Butler really.  Just sad for Riverboat Ron.

Philadelphia (First pick: Carson Wentz, Other Notable Picks: None) – Hopefully Wentz doesn’t end up being the Ryan Leaf to Jared Goff’s Peyton Manning.  The rest of their picks were mediocre to fucking awful.  They have definitely shored up their special teams and practice squad needs though.

Detroit (First pick: Taylor Decker, Other Notable Picks: None) – The Lions were the dirt fucking worst of this draft.  That doesn’t bode well for a team that’s almost as sad as the Browns have been (historically).  Three of their final four picks are three of the absolute worst from the draft.  Drafting Jake Rudock at all is ridiculous with Vernon Adams on the board and I could see Dwayne Washington not even making the practice squad (and struggling to find an arena football or CFL gig).  Brutal.

So there you go.  Draft synopsis done.  It was actually more exciting than it had any right to be.  That has to bode well for the NFL (and college football really).  Any publicity is good publicity I guess.

Next up in the next couple months is the biggest games of the college football season, the start of the conference previews, predicted cable schedules, and perhaps a random post or two.  We are inching closer to the start of the college and NFL seasons people!

Bowl Recap #5 – Sponsored by Going 6 for 6

No, that’s not 30 for 30’s younger, dumber brother. It refers to the fact that, for the most part, the New Year’s Six bowls went six for six for being horrible.  Not a single one of the bowls had much drama at all.  You could say Florida State kept it relatively close with Houston and there was a bit of drama during the Fiesta Bowl but other than that it was relatively unwatchable football.  And this is coming from a guy who watches as much college football as he can.  Alright, let’s get to the recap starting with the College Football Playoff semi-finals:

ORANGE BOWL – Clemson 37 Oklahoma 17

So many complained that this game started at 4 on New Year’s Eve because many people were working that day. Understandable I guess.  Yet many of those same people didn’t complain that the other semi-final was on from 8 until midnight on New Year’s Eve.  Makes no sense to me.  Anyway, this bowl was the closer of the two semi-finals.  It was the Clemson D that stepped up in this one.  Mayfield, Perine, Shepard, et al just couldn’t do much.  Also, Deshaun Watson showed why he was a Heisman finalist.  Which leads us to the other semi-final…

COTTON BOWL – Alabama 38 Michigan State 0

Good lord this wasn’t even close. It did allow the Twitterverse to go crazy saying Sparty didn’t belong in the College Football Playoff at all.  Hindsight is 20-20 but it’s also annoying and sometimes very wrong.  Who knew Jake Coker would have the game of his life?  Who knew Connor Cook would have the worst game of his life?  Who knew Alabama’s defense would be that good?  OK I’ll give you that last one.  Bama has all the momentum going into the national championship now.

Now the other New Year’s Six bowls which weren’t a whole lot better:

PEACH BOWL – Houston 38 Florida State 24

Arguably the closest of the NY6 bowls. Terrible.  However it did show that Houston, much like Boise State in years past, is a cut above most of the rest of the Group of Five teams.  Not having Everett Golson or, really, a healthy Sean Maguire didn’t help the Noles in this one.  Honestly though they looked sloppy.  It’s like the put it all on the field against Florida so they could destroy their rivals and had nothing left for this one.

FIESTA BOWL – Ohio State 44 Notre Dame 28

Ugh, the targeting penalty rears its ugly head again. Joey Bosa’s Ohio State career ends on a targeting call that is technically correct but kind of goes against the spirit of the rule.  There were at least six other instances where targeting should have been called and never was in the past few days.  That has to be the NCAA’s number one priority in the offseason: getting the targeting call correct and locking down when it should be called.  I get that it’s still referee’s discretion but the variation on when it’s called is ridiculous.  I feel bad for the kid since there’s a possibility he will end up on the Browns next season.  Oh, as for the game, despite the fact the Irish acted like a rash that wouldn’t quite go away, tOSU seemed to be in control the entire time.  NEXT!

ROSE BOWL – Stanford 45 Iowa 16

This was also known as the McCaffrey Bowl since he was the single most dominating player on that field (as he was in a few other games during the season). He scored a touchdown a mere eleven seconds in and that ended up being a prelude to one of the greatest performances in bowl game history.  His 368 all-purpose yards broke the Rose Bowl record and he put the stake in the ground as the 2016 Heisman early frontrunner.  Iowa was never in this one and this seemed like more of a beatdown than what their Big Ten brethren Michigan State suffered the previous day.  I hope this, for now, shows people why a four-team playoff is better than an eight-team playoff.  As much as people said Stanford and Ohio State were reasons for playoff expansion, Iowa and Notre Dame showed that it shouldn’t be since they would have been two of the eight teams vying for the title.  Moving on…

SUGAR BOWL – Ole Miss 48 Oklahoma State 20

At this point I got fed up. Once Laquon Treadwell caught his third touchdown pass in the second quarter I put the rest of the game on the PVR (we will get to that in a later bowl recap).  I had had it with the New Year’s Six.  What a set of horrible games.  So New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, and (to a lesser extent) American Thanksgiving Saturday, the three biggest college football days of any season, were pretty shitty.  Not impressed as a college football fan.  I was right to check the game on the PVR later to see that, um, yes Ole Miss destroyed the Cowboys.

OK enough of these bowls, let’s get to the rest of the bowls from New Year’s Day and yesterday:

OUTBACK BOWL – Tennessee 45 Northwestern 6

Your 2016 SEC East Champion Tennessee Volunteers…is what many will now say for the next eight months. Don’t get me wrong, the Vols made Northwestern their bitch in this one but one game does not a champion make.  I will say this: Tennessee is set up well for the next season but more so for the fact that the rest of the SEC East doesn’t look too hot right now so really it’s an open competition (except for you Vanderbilt).  I assume this bowl game lost many viewers pretty early on.  That’s the con of a New Year’s Day bowl when other bowl games are on.

CITRUS BOWL – Michigan 41 Florida 7

See what I mean about the SEC East? Let’s be honest, the Gators overperformed this season.  They didn’t have the players to be a true CFP contender yet somehow they came within one poor game in the SEC Championship of going to a New Year’s Six bowl game.  They were exposed here by a good Michigan team that was probably one horrifically bad last-second play from also being in the New Year’s Six.  Jim Harbaugh has the Wolverines going in the right direction and Florida fans hope Jim Bob McElwain is doing the same in Gainesville.  Again, another bowl that lost plenty of viewers due to the game being basically over in the early third quarter.

TAXSLAYER BOWL – Georgia 24 Penn State 17

Hey a bowl game that was actually somewhat close. Saying that, the Dawgs had a 24-3 lead before the non-Hackenberg Nittany Lions made a comeback.  Christian Hackenberg is smart to declare for the NFL Draft despite the fact he won’t be a first round pick.  The one thing that kept Penn State from a better season was that brutal offensive line.  I wouldn’t want to play behind those guys another season knowing there’s a decent payday awaiting you instead.  Also, this game felt weird with no Mark Richt involved.

LIBERTY BOWL – Arkansas 45 Kansas State 23

I took a break from watching football (I know, insane right?) for the last quarter-and-a-half of this one. I was starting to get worn out from the craptastic games I had seen.  Yes, we get it, the SEC West is awesome, all hail the SEC West, whatever.  KSU making a bowl game was a miracle in and of itself and if my proposal would go through, we would never see teams like this in postseason play again.

ALAMO BOWL – TCU 47 Oregon 41 (3OT)

It feels like all the excitement that we could have had in all the bowls were concentrated here. And I nearly missed it.  Once Oregon went up 28-0, I put the game on the PVR (much like the Sugar Bowl) and stopped watching.  What I missed was Vernon Adams getting injured and Gary Patterson feeling the POWER OF THE PURPLE SHIRT.  Bram Kohlhausen’s only career start at TCU ended up being legendary as TCU came back from 31 down to tie the game.  I decided, for some reason, to turn it back on to see what was going on with it with about 3 minutes left in the game.  I was astounded at what the score was.  The Horned Frogs would end up winning in triple overtime, sending Phil Knight into shock and making Ducks fans wonder which of their ten million uniform combinations would have been the right one to wear in hindsight.

CACTUS BOWL – West Virginia 43 Arizona State 42

I put this one on the PVR, watched the first half, and went to bed. I put in a four-hour window just to be safe.  Yeah, not even close.  By the time the recording ended there was still seven minutes left to play.  Why are some of these games so damn long.  Now I am worried that the national championship will be six hours and I will be exhausted the next day at work.  Worst part is this was a great game and I missed the end.  Don’t know who to complain to but I am going to complain anyways.  No wonder the Pac-12 doesn’t want too many late-night games considering I stayed up until 2 (if not later) on too many Saturday nights to count (it was probably like seven of them).  What an interesting way to finish watching bowl season.

One game left and it’s for all the marbles. Clemson will face Alabama for the national championship and now Dabo Swinney can use the underdog tag properly since they will definitely be one for this game (as of right now it’s Alabama favoured by 7).  Also, the FCS title game kicks off at noon on Saturday if you’re interested (and have the specialty pack).  College football season is almost over folks and I type that with a bit of a tear in my eye.  Enjoy the national championship (and the NFL games today).

Week 6 College Football Recap – Sponsored by Whatever the Fuck Rutgers was thinking

Look. College football is rife with plays that defy logic and coaching decisions that are baffling. However, what happened Saturday night in Piscataway was one of the dumbest coaching decisions I have ever heard of. And make no mistake about it. It was a coaching decision. The dumbest quarterback on the planet wouldn’t have done that. If you missed it, Rutgers is moving down the field with very little time left. They get to midfield down 7. They try a run on 3^rd down and don’t quite get the first down. So they run back to the line since there was almost no time left (about 7 seconds I believe). What does the QB do? He runs up, gets the snap and spikes the ball…on fourth down. Ballgame. Michigan State survives. It’s amazing how fall Rutgers has fallen. Last year they had to be considered a first-year Big Ten success story. This year? 1980s SMU might have been better run.

The rest of this recappin thing

OK so it wasn’t an airport parking lot. But Sark has gone dark. Meaning he’s been shitcanned. It was announced Monday. I don’t think USC is THAT bad but what they showed Thursday night has to be a bit discouraging. This team has no fire and a lot of times that falls squarely in the lap of the head coach. So now another team has to look for a new head coach. Oh wait, I should say teams. With an s.

He should have done a mic drop and said “Randy out” as well. Eventually Maryland was beaten by tOSU. We all knew the Buckeyes would pull away at some point. The fun part was what would happen to Mr. Edsall. There were rumours floating around he would be let go at the end of the season. At the post-game presser he got pissed off at the first question asked of him and then left. Now instead of the end of the season, it sounds like he has been flat-out fired. Maybe they can trade him to Rutgers for Kyle Flood.

PJ Fleck needs to row an actual boat to bring his team out. Or a battleship. Either way. Own that motto!

Is it basketball season yet? God, Kansas is awful. Luckily for them they have one of the best basketball programs ever. Otherwise the Big XII, despite all their problems, would have kicked their sorry asses out. Even Iowa State loves having them on the football schedule every year.

Quietly, Penn State has snuck into the Big Ten East race. Too bad there is almost no chance they win the division. But they are playing some decent football. Good enough to win but poorly enough to think it might all collapse. Either way, Hingle McCringleberry was a great site at Happy Valley this weekend.

Army should be allowed to wear camouflage. It’s their only chance to be competitive in FBS.

Charlie. Fucking. Strong. That is all. The Longhorns players still believe in the guy. And of course the Red River Rivalry, the most insane of rivalry games, played out like up was down and left was right. For the most part, Texas dominated. Oklahoma somehow kept it close but it never felt like it was ever in doubt. Strong’s job is saved and Big Game Bob is now only OK Game Bob.

Ho hum, Ole Miss put up another shit-ton of points. Does it feel like the Rebels play more so-called cupcakes than any other SEC team?

Is Mike London next? It looks like firing your coach during the season has become the cool thing to do. Will Virginia be next to do so? Yes I believe so although we will be waiting at least another few weeks before that happens. Once they clinch another year of no bowls, that should make the decision easy.

Iowa? IOWA? Yes, the Hawkeyes are on top of the Big Ten West. The way things are going, we will get Iowa facing Michigan in the Big Ten Championship and the ratings will be through the fucking roof.

Temple. Undefeated. Seriously. As of right now, it looks like we are heading head long into Temple hosting Notre Dame at the Linc with the Irish in the top 10 and Temple, undefeated and in the top 20. Would be the biggest game in Owls history by a long shot. Maybe even an ABC Saturday Night game. With TEMPLE in it? Yes 2015 has made it two straight years of complete insanity in college football.

When is Marcus Allen going to get off that cart and beat the holy hell out of Larry Culpepper? Just asking.

What a great bunch of things done by LSU for South Carolina. What LSU did for that team is amazing. With money going back to the state to help flood victims it was just a great feeling down in the ol’ heart. Too bad they still had to play the game. Leonard Fournette continues his Heisman campaign and the Gamecocks look like the worst team in the SEC. Yes, even worse than Vanderbilt.

Of course with all the craziness of moved games, we didn’t get Georgia Tech-Clemson in this area. To be honest, I don’t care. It was a blowout and just proved that Clemson is one win away over Florida State from having an easy road to the ACC Championship.

#PrayForChubb. That was a brutal injury. Luckily it wasn’t an ACL but still bad. I won’t be surprised if we don’t see Nick Chubb again this season. My question is why CBS felt the need to show it on replay over and over and over and over and over and over, etc. Was it so Verne would remember what happened? Speaking of the rest of the game, the Vols played their hearts out and the Dawgs just didn’t have it in them. All this means is that fucking Missouri might still have a chance to win the SEC East somehow.

University of Complete Futility. Someone tweeted this and I thought it was so spot on. It’s time George O’Leary fired himself and played athletic director for a while. Who knows who would take that job but there is only one way to go and that’s up. That might be the only hook they have to hire someone decent.

Three straight shutouts? It’s HARBAUGHLL! Yes, I said Michigan wouldn’t shut Northwestern out. I feel like an idiot now. This team is good. Hell, even Jake Rudock is playing really well. Jim Harbaugh has turned this around very quickly. Next week’s Battle for Michigan will be huge!

And the Dumpster Fire Bowl went down to the wire. I wanted to pour acid in my eyes after watching Wake Forest and Boston College. I would love staggered start times. I think it would be great for college football. Problem is, every so often, you would get a game like this. A complete shitshow. It was awful football at its worst. And of course, it ended with Boston College looking like they failed at the Les Miles School of Clock Management. It was painful but gripping at the same time. Damn you college football!!!

Notre Dame keeps plodding along. Look, there is still a good chance this team ends up in the New Year’s Six. The schedule is in their favour and other than three quarters against Clemson, they have looked good. DeShone Kizer has grown into the QB role and Will Fuller is looking like a first-round NFL draft pick. We haven’t seen a Brian Kelly explosion yet (which are fun to watch) but that’s a good thing for the Irish faithful.

Somewhere Bo Pelini is laughing…if his face allows that. Speaking of painful, that perfectly describes Nebraska’s season. They have made losing at the end into an art form. Again, they had Wisconsin on the ropes and couldn’t close them out. Then Chico Burrito makes the winning kick and Mike Riley wants to find a corn field to hide in.

ConFLiCT? Really. This is why Boston College hates you UConn. Or at least that should be part of it.

The final score was WHAT? North Texas lost 66-7 to Portland State. Sixty-six. To seven. Good god. I wouldn’t have just fired Dan McCarney. I would have fired the entire staff and probably shut the team town and looked to see if an FCS conference would take us next season. My lord.

The Twitter backlash started up quick. Leonard Fournette decided he wanted to auction off his jersey and donate the proceeds to the South Carolina flood relief. Immediately, Twitter blew up, thinking the NCAA would say no. At first it looked like they would and Mark Emmert would need beefed up security for the next little while. They finally relented and made it OK to do so. Good for them for showing a bit of humility here and doing the right thing.

Speaking of Mizzou. OK remember what I said about Missouri possibly still having a chance to win the SEC East. I can safely say that probably won’t happen. Florida seems to be legit although now they will have to go the rest of the way without freshman QB Will Grier who was suspended for the season for taking illegal substances. So it WASN’T the flu!!!!!

TCU holds on…again. They can’t make a habit of this. It’s already starting to affect them. They have dropped below Baylor in the polls. One of these days, Boykin will not have a comeback in them and their dream of the CFP will be gone, no matter what Gary Patterson says.

#FireAlGolden. Same hashtag every week. Maybe Mike London will be next but Golden is holding on by a thread of his tie. It’s too bad. If the Canes had won that one game, his job would have been saved for the rest of the season no matter what happened afterwards. Brad Kaaya is getting better with every game but unfortunately when he is at his college best, Al might not be around to reap the benefits.

And somehow, Oklahoma State is still undefeated and Mike Gundy is still a man. He’s a MAN. HE’S FORTY! OK I think he’s like forty-five now. Somehow, the Pokes keep winning. Let’s be honest, that was survival in Morgantown Saturday night. Maybe, just maybe this team will sneak up the middle and give TCU and Baylor fits in the conference race.

Poor Bert. I don’t know what it is but Bret Bielema just doesn’t have it in Arkansas. I think he is regretting his move from Wisconsin…aside from the fat contract and smoking hot wife. They just couldn’t put Bama away and the Tide made them pay (as they always do). Now we just wait for around American Thanksgiving time when we are discussing whether Alabama should be in the College Football Playoff because we all know that is what will happen.

They hassled the Goff. At this point I was wearing down. Then someone pointed out the Presidents Cup was live at that point and I felt even more exhausted. It was a fun game to watch though thankfully. Otherwise I would have passed out. And it’s amazing that Jared Goff played so poorly yet somehow Cal had a chance at the end because college football that’s why. Utah is the new chic pick to go to the CFP. One upset loss to like Arizona State will end that I am sure.

Finally we have another Go5 contendah! It’s no longer Boise State or GTFO. If Temple (or Houston or Memphis) run the table through the regular season then they have to get the Group of Five spot in the New Year’s Six. To not would be ridiculous and make the entire exercise of the season useless for anyone not named Boise State.

Oregon Trail uniforms and the Ducks died of dysentery. You can’t make this shit up. No, Oregon didn’t die of dysentery but their Oregon Trail-esque uniforms, combined with the stunning double-overtime loss to Washington State and the tweet sent out by Wazzu afterwards summed up Oregon’s season in one foul swoop. Vernon Adams was not the answer and Mark Helfrich better figure something out soon to right the ship in Eugene.

Time to have a relegation tournament. Enough of this crap. Some teams have been historically bad. I propose a relegation tournament. The four losers drop down to FCS and the FCS semi-finalists move up to FBS. Only fair. We need competition damn it! Anyway, I nominate the following teams to participate:

• Kansas
• UTEP
• Wyoming
• Idaho
• New Mexico State
• North Texas
• UCF
• Eastern Michigan

Pair them off however you like and let them have at it. It would be the only feasible way to get fans excited to watch these teams play. Guaranteed North Dakota State would mop the floor with any of these eight teams.

Alright, NFL recap will be tomorrow. Everything delayed because of Thanksgiving. College football schedule coming out Thursday but we have a Tuesday treat! Arkansas State travels to Mobile to play South Alabama tonight and it’s on the specialty packs. We are slowly getting towards football almost every day folks!

Week 2 College Football TV Schedule – Sponsored by Mark Emmert (“Hey it could be worse. I’m not Goodell.”)

Not as bad as the shitbag below

Although to be honest he can only use it at certain times like, say, now. Also, he has some stiff competition from Sepp Blatter. I don’t know if Bud Selig or Gary Bettman are jealous of these three shitbags or glad that no matter what they do they can point at them and say at least I’m not doing that. That bald bastard Adam Silver looks like god damn royalty at this point.

Anyway, welcome to what is arguably the worst week in college football this season. At least in terms of quality games this one takes the shit cake. There’s Oregon-Michigan State and, um, well….hmmmm. Yeah. Not a whole lot else. Knowing that we will probably see some amazing finishes that we will talk about for ages (like BYU-Nebraska from last week).

Alright let’s start with the cable schedule:

			ROGERS	FIBE	SATELLITE
Oregon State at Michigan	12:00 PM	ABC	X	X	X
Presbyterian at Charlotte	12:00 PM	MyTV	X	X	X
Bowling Green at Maryland	12:00 PM	BTN	X
Army at Connecticut	12:00 PM	CBSSN	X	X
Wake Forest at Syracuse	12:30 PM	WSBK	X	X	X
Notre Dame at Virginia	3:30 PM	ABC	X	X	X
Hawaii at Ohio State	3:30 PM	BTN	X
Georgia at Vanderbilt	3:30 PM	CBS	X	X	X
Minnesota at Colorado State	3:30 PM	CBSSN	X	X
Iowa at Iowa State	4:30 PM	FOX	X	X	X
Arizona at Nevada	7:00 PM	CBSSN	X	X	X
Oregon at Michigan State	8:00 PM	ABC	X	X	X
South Alabama at Nebraska	8:00 PM	BTN	X
UCLA at UNLV	10:30 PM	CBSSN	X	X

I have included a third column now since there is a slight difference between Fibe and Satellite schedules, that being that Fibe customers can receive CBS Sports Network whereas it is not available to Satellite customers (which really makes no sense to be honest). As you can see, the schedule is highlighted by Team Wardrobe Change and Team Big Ten Bridesmaid. Other than that there are some OK games (Oregon State-Michigan should be interesting) and some filler. This has become a good weekend to have the kids so my PVR will get its first workout of the season. Pray for it.

Now the specialty pack schedule for you smart (albeit possibly somewhat fiscally irresponsible) fans:

		ROGERS	FIBE	SATELLITE
Southern at Mississippi Valley State (Thurs)	7:30 PM	X	X	X
Utah State at Utah (Fri)	9:00 PM	X	X	X
USF at Florida State	11:30 AM	X	X	X
Western Illinois at Illinois	12:00 PM	X
Buffalo at Penn State	12:00 PM	X	X	X
Miami-OH at Wisconsin	12:00 PM	X	X	X
Houston at Louisville	12:00 PM	X
Jacksonville State at Auburn	12:00 PM		X	X
Wake Forest at Syracuse	12:30 PM	X	X	X
Washington State at Rutgers	3:30 PM	X	X	X
Fresno State at Ole Miss	3:30 PM	X	X	X
Middle Tennessee at Alabama	4:00 PM		X	X
Oklahoma at Tennessee	6:00 PM	X	X	X
East Carolina at Florida	7:00 PM	X	X	X
North Texas at SMU	7:00 PM	X
Ball State at Texas A&M	7:00 PM	X	X	X
Kentucky at South Carolina	7:30 PM		X	X
FIU at Indiana	8:00 PM	X
LSU at Mississippi State	9:15 PM	X	X	X
Boise State at BYU	10:15 PM	X	X	X
San Jose State at Air Force	10:15 PM	X	X	X

There are a few oddities on this schedule (at this point) that I would like to point out. First, Rogers is again showing the BTN alternate game on the Super Sports Pack. They did this last year and really, it’s only an issue in September during the majority of non-conference season. Once conference games start in October, there are times BTN will only have two games all of Saturday. Second, Rogers also has an FOX Sports Network ACC telecast (Houston-Louisville) early Saturday. I don’t remember Rogers having these last year and I am too lazy to check. I know Bell customers received these telecasts about half-a-dozen times. It is allowed because they are usually also broadcast on ESPN3 (which Bell and Rogers can technically rebroadcast on their specialty packs). Finally, the North Texas-SMU game has appeared on the Rogers SSP schedule for some odd reason. It’s an ESPN3 game and has no importance to it. I can see this being removed by Saturday but then again, who knows. It’s still a bit of a crapshoot.

Game of the Week (plus some other pretty good ones)

We can start with the obvious and then move down the line from there:

Oregon at Michigan State (8:00, ABC) – Easily the game of the week and one of the games of the year. The first true test (at Oregon) for Vernon Adams, he of the weebles may wobble but they don’t fall down. Oregon’s D did not look that great against Eastern Washington while Sparty looked good but not great against Western Michigan. Loser here, more than likely, kills their College Football Playoff hopes (or at least damages it significantly).

Oklahoma at Tennessee (6:00, specialty pack) – This game goes here in the #2 slot by default since it’s the only other game this weekend between two ranked teams. I still have my doubts about the Vols being ranked in the top 25 (they are ranked #23) so this will be a put-up-or-shut-up type of game for them. The Sooners have to prove they aren’t ready to join Texas in the Big XII mid-table.

LSU at Mississippi State (9:15, specialty pack) – Wait. I was wrong. I forgot almost every SEC team wanted to be ranked this week so it almost happened (except Vandy…they laughed at Vandy). Anyway, this game could be considered the #2 game this week but who really cares. I am looking forward to this game more than the OU-UT game that precedes it. Let’s see if Mississippi State can get back to the level they were last year. With Dak Prescott, anything’s possible.

Boise State at BYU (10:15, specialty pack) – After the emotional Hail Joseph Smith win over Nebraska, BYU now has to prepare for arguably the best Group of Five team, but to do it without Taysom Hill. Boise State should be favoured but they sure looked average in the second half against Washington. A loss here by the Broncos opens up the door to a lot of Go5 teams for that one New Year’s Six spot.

I am only listing four games because none of the rest are can’t-miss or must-see. They aren’t even important (at this point of the season). Not that I won’t watch it since I totally will watch as much as I can). There always has to be that one week where you just look at the schedule and think to yourself “You know, I could totally do work around the house and not miss a whole lot.”

Straight Outta Reno

Not Vegas since my picks should not be replicated by anyone with even a semblance of a gambling background. I don’t actually use these picks since I don’t gamble on college football. I save that for the NFL and the real money.

Oregon over Michigan State (but it will be close)

Oklahoma over Tennessee

LSU over Mississippi State

Boise State over BYU

Notre Dame over Virginia

Georgia over Vanderbilt

Utah over Utah State

I can’t see many real upsets this week. This means there will totally be at least one good upset.

I will be doing the NFL Schedule either tomorrow or Friday.  Either way, everyone should know by now that the Patriots are hosting the Steelers.  Maybe now that football has actually started we can cut the rest of the NFL “news” out (for now).  Yeah I don’t buy it either.

Update: I wish I didn’t have to do these updates because most of the time they are for bad reasons.  And again, we have changes that make no sense.  USF-Florida State is now off the specialty pack, at least for Fibe customers.  It still looks like Satellite and Rogers customers have that game…for now.  It has been replaced (in SD) with Wake Forest-Syracuse which is already on WSBK so I don’t understand why we would get it in two spots.  Buffalo-Penn State has also been removed despite the fact the games after it on the same damn ESPN channel are still there.  Who the hell makes these decisions and what is the rationale behind them?  Oh, my guess is I would be told that the NCAA has control over it and they did it.  Give me a break.  At 4:00, the SEC Network alternate game of Toledo-Arkansas has been added for some reason.  This is crazy.  And remember when I asked why Rogers got North Texas-SMU?  Well Fibe has it too now. Thank god I caught that before I let my PVR do its work.

Update #2: I’m an idiot.  TSN all of a sudden picks up USF-Florida State and Buffalo-Penn State.  Out of the blue.  Crazy.  Good for people without the specialty pack for sure.  Also Notre Dame-Virginia was added to TSN4, despite the fact it is already on ABC.  Oh well.  At least TSN is showing some games now.  This is so much easier when I am watching it all live.

Biggest Games of the 2015 College Football season – Part ONE!

Hey, hey, it’s that time kids!  Time to look at the biggest games of the college football season.  It’s the one thing I can do mostly right and be pretty close to what all those fancy experts say.  I can do this a bit earlier this year because more scheduling information has come out at an earlier time than in previous years.  I have to make some good educated guesses as to what channels they will show up on here in Canada (and more specifically Southern Ontario) but those are usually pretty bang on as well (and Sportsnet makes it easy by not showing any college football….thanks Rogers!).

Unfortunately we are still 79 days away from the opening of the college football season.  Well, 79 days from the first game being aired that we can see (if you have one of the specialty packs).  It’s an FCS game but it’s still college football dammit, and I will watch it come hell or high water (what a stupid saying).  Speaking of specialty packs, I wonder what will happen to them for the 2016 season when pick n’ pay is all the rage?  I can save that for another post.

Before we begin with the actual games, let’s take a look at a week-by-week ranking.  I have ranked the weeks based on best games scheduled (as of this point) to worst schedule of games.  For the most part, this ranking makes sense.  The weekly schedule rankings from first to worst go a little something like this (I have included the Saturday the schedule is focused on in parentheses):

1. Week 13 (November 28 – American Thanksgiving)
2. Week 10 (November 7)
3. Week 7 (October 17)
4. Week 5 (October 3)
5. Week 11 (November 14)
6. Week 3 (September 19)
7. Week 1 (September 5)
8. Week 6 (October 10)
9. Week 12 (November 21)
10. Week 8 (October 24)
11. Week 4 (September 26)
12. Week 9 (October 31)
13. Week 2 (September 12)

I did not include the final week of the season since that’s conference championship week and of course they are important.  It’s probably also sponsored by Capital One or Chick-Fil-A or one of the other few companies ESPN tends to use over and over again.  I also haven’t included that pesky Army-Navy game since it is also very important but is messing up that darn brand-spankin new College Football Playoff.  I think it would be hilarious if Navy was undefeated, won the American conference championship, and then either barely beat Army or laid an egg and lost.

It makes perfect sense that the American Thanksgiving week has the best schedule pretty much every season.  At least a dozen rivalry games, games all day Friday and Saturday, and games of huge importance littered throughout makes it special.  So special I try to get the Friday off to watch them all day.  Another thing that isn’t surprising is that two of the bottom three weeks are in September.  Other than Week 1 (which has the excitement of the start of a new season) and Week 3 (there’s always one fairly good week in September), the other two are filled with non-conference affairs and many of them not that great.  But, hey, it’s college football so again, I will watch as much as I can.

Alright, here we go with the top games of the season (part one):

Week 1

Alabama vs. Wisconsin (in Dallas) – Opening week and Wisconsin is playing in Texas in a neutral-site game yet again.  Will they play three decent quarters and then shit the bed again?  To be honest, depending on Nick Saban’s mood, the Badgers may not be that close to begin with. (8:00, ABC/TSN3)

Ohio State at Virginia Tech – Hey, remember what happened last season?  That’s right, the one thing that made tOSU’s inclusion controversial was The Fighting Beamers’ shocking win over the Buckeyes.  Then after that the Hokies were fantastic, right?  Right?  Is this mic on? (Monday, 8:00, TSN3)

Arizona State vs. Texas A&M (in Houston) – Another one of the way-too-many neutral site games nowadays.  It makes it feel a lot cheaper when there are about 40 of them scattered across the college football schedule.  Anyway, this should be a good one.  Both teams are considered dark horse contenders for the New Year’s Six and the loser here has a much tougher road to hoe for sure. (3:30, specialty pack)

Texas at Notre Dame – This feels like it would have been more important like ten years ago.  Back when Vince Young wasn’t broke.  Back when Charlie Weis was semi-successful as a head coach.  Ah, the good ol’ days.  Honestly, the Irish look like they could break through this year and this opening game will show everyone how good they are against fairly stiff competition.  This may be the beginning of the Charlie Strong Termination Watch as well. (7:00, NBC)

Auburn vs. Louisville (in Atlanta) – Fun Bobby and Malzahni coaching in the same game.  Should be fun to watch.  Another one of the Chick-Fil-A Combo #48 Neutral-Site Games El Fantastico.  This may be the last time they hold it in the Georgia Dome since the Georgia Dome seems like a dump (as evidenced by the Atlanta Falcons wanted to leave there, like, yesterday).  Also, since the US Open has moved to ESPN, CBS of all networks got this game from ESPN to show.  Some very early season Verne and Gary perhaps?  (3:30, CBS)

TCU at Minnesota – Now it’s time to get down to brass tacks, brah!  Arguably, the two teams that had the biggest coming-out parties last season hook up on opening night….that sentence doesn’t look right.  Anyway, two of the better coaches in college football square off with potential Heisman candidate Trevone Boykin being the first one to get a leg up on the Heisman competition. (Thursday, 9:00, TSN3)

Other candidates: Michigan at Utah (Thursday, 8:30, FOX Sports One so none of us will see it), South Carolina vs. North Carolina (in Charlotte) (Thursday, 6:00, specialty pack), Washington at Boise State (Friday, 10:15, specialty pack), BYU at Nebraska (3:30, ABC/TSN3)

Week 2

Oregon at Michigan State – Arguably the worst week of the college football schedule for 2015 has, arguably, the biggest game.  Go figure.  Sparty is going to try and get some revenge on the Ducks, this time in the friendly confines of East Lansing.  This is where we will see how good the Mariota-less Ducks are, but I will say this…I have a feeling Vernon Adams is the real deal and could be a darkhorse Heisman contender.  This could be the ultimate coming-out party for him.  (8:00, ABC)

LSU at Mississippi State – This will be a good game and a rather important one I am sure (especially being an early season SEC conference game).  But for this to be the second-best game of the week shows how weak the rest of the sked is.  I am sticking with Leonard Fournette in the Heisman race until he wins or goes to the NFL.  (7:00, specialty pack)

Oklahoma at Tennessee – Butch Jones saved his job by getting the Vols to a bowl game last season.  He will be expected to do more this season and it probably starts with this massive game against Oklahoma.  The biggest question?  How many times will you hear Turn Down For What during the telecast?  I have the over/under at 14.  (7:45, specialty pack)

Notre Dame at Virginia – Yes, the fourth most important game is the Irish visiting the Wahoos.  This would be a perfect PVR weekend for me that is for sure.  Anyway….the Irish need a strong start to a season where it looks like they contend and Mike London needs to continue the upward trend of the Cavs as of late.  This is one of the quasi-ACC-conference-but-non-conference-Notre-Dame-involved games that…oh hell, just join the damn conference already!  (3:30, ABC/TSN3)

Boise State at BYU – Taysom Hill is back!  Hopefully his leg holds up.  Not that I am a BYU fan at all but he sure is fun to watch.  A game between arguably the top two programs not in a Power-Five conference (although the Big XII office may be watching this game closely).  (10:15, specialty pack)

UCF at Stanford – The worst college football week comes to a close with this game.  Then again it’s still college football so I guess I shouldn’t complain.  Stanford has to be the Stanford from the UCLA game last year and not the rest of last season.  UCF is the type of school the ACC would love to poach (especially if they lost Florida State…ugh talking about realignment happens way too often in the off-season).  (10:30, FOX Sports Fucking One so no)

Other candidates: Utah State at Utah (Friday, 9:00, specialty pack), Oregon State at Michigan (Noon, ABC), Minnesota at Colorado State (3:30, CBS Sports Network), Iowa at Iowa State (4:30, FOX)

Week 3

Ole Miss at Alabama – This early SEC conference showdown gets the slight nod for the best game of the week.  A good early test for both teams and a chance for Evil Saban and his Crimson Tide Juggernaut Express to get some revenge after the Rebs’ win last year (during the craziest week in college football history…relive it HERE!).  (7:00, specialty pack)

Auburn at LSU – Best Game #1B for Week 3.  And again, it’s in the SEC West, the best division in football (until the Pac-12 South or Big Ten East goes crazy).  The gauntlet starts here in Death Valley.  Lucky for the Tigers (of the Auburn variety) that it isn’t a night game since the Tigers (of the LSU variety) are almost unbeatable at night at home.  (3:30, CBS)

Georgia Tech at Notre Dame – Georgia Tech is a bit like Missouri…not enough respect is given to them.  They came within a hair of putting the first College Football Playoff on its ear in the ACC Championship against Florida State.  They run the option to near-perfection (which frustrates the hell out of many defensive coordinators).  But to show they are real they have to win the big games.  They have a bunch of them this year with this being an early one.  Win in South Bend and they have to be considered a contender.  (3:30, NBC)

Stanford at USC – Supposedly USC is back as a Pac-12 contender.  I want to believe the hype since I, too, feel they have a great shot at winning the Pac-12 South at the very least.  But it’s USC.  And since the Trojans played the Longhorns for the national title oh so many years ago (nine-and-a-half years to be exact), they have been, for the most part, a disappointment.  Stanford was a disappointment for the first time in many years last season.  Something has to give here.  (8:00, ABC)

South Carolina at Georgia – Yet another SEC game.  Are we surprised?  To be honest this feels like a lot of SEC conference action for September.  I don’t remember this many conference games this early.  Maybe my memory just sucks.  Aaaaaaaaaaanywho…the Dawgs have to be considered the clear favourite here but never count out the Head Ball Coach.  The kids might be scared enough about having to walk all the way back to Columbia to play well enough to make Mark Richt sweat.  And no, there is no Mark Richt Firing Watch this season…unless UGA tanks.  Then it would be fair game.  (12:00, TSN2)

Clemson at Louisville – More Fun Bobby!  Louisville has been such a frustrating team to watch since they joined the ACC.  Some weeks they look like world-beaters. Then during others, they look like they’d have trouble beating an FCS school.  It’s maddening.  But Senor Petrino’s near-aneurysm look every game makes up for it somehow.  And from frustrating to frustrated we find Clemson who is tired of playing second fiddle to Team Jimbo (who, by the way is now divorced and no, I wouldn’t call his wife hot…just average).  (Thursday, TSN1/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5)

Other candidates: BYU at UCLA (10:30, FOX Sports One god damn it!), Nebraska at Miami (3:30, specialty pack), California at Texas (7:30, FOX), Air Force at Michigan State (Noon, ABC/TSN4)