Lists, Lists…..LISTS!

You’d think I was employed by Buzzfeed with all these lists I’m making.

So just like last year, I will add a few more lists to accompany the Most Important Games post. It should give you a good idea of the important games to watch (at least at this point) and maybe some games to avoid (unless you are a Sicko like me and will watch any football…even, yes…arena football!)

I know, I know, I have always stated my disgust for arena football but I have to admit it does have its own trashy charm to it. OK let’s just get to the lists, shall we?

Sneaky-Good/Underrated Games

I used to list a game like this for every week of the season. This time I will rank the top dozen games that should be considered underrated but very good and that didn’t rank in the Top 35 from the previous post.

1. Oklahoma vs. Texas (at the Cotton Bowl) (Week 6, Noon, ABC/TSN2) – First of all, I am not on drugs. Not many are talking about the Sooners and most are calling for the Longhorns to walk off to the SEC with a Big XII Championship title. Do you remember what game this is? It’s the god damn Red River Shootout/Rivalry/Game/Brawl/Drinking Contest. Many times it is ridiculous, crazy, wild and just plain dumbfounding. Don’t count OU out…at least in this one game…….oh the second thing. Yeah, ABC has picked up this game but the time hasn’t been set. It will be either Noon or 3:30 because the State Fair of Texas becomes a gangland shootout at night or something like that.
2. TCU at Kansas State (Week 8, Noon, specialty pack) – The rematch of last year’s Big XII title game loses a bit of its luster but should still be important in the grand scheme of things in the conference. I get it’s not Gary Patterson anymore but Sonny Dykes is already showing he can also make the whole greater than the sum of the parts. Chris Klieman will get every opportunity to show off why he got a big extended contract and this is one of those opportunities at home in front of the Wildcat faithful.
3. Iowa at Wisconsin (Week 7, Noon, Big Ten Network) – As I said in the Most Important Games post, it feels like all the conference networks get at least one good game a season now. This could be that game, if it ends up there. Once again this could be for the Big Ten West title but it’s going to feel weird with Wisconsin not running the ball as much. Iowa, on the other hand, should be exactly the same, trying to win games 6-5.
4. Texas A&M at Ole Miss (Week 10, Noon, specialty pack) – Many will sleep on these two teams…wait, bad analogy. I forgot Petrino was at College Station. Anyway, two teams that many will cast aside but it’s almost a guarantee one of them will cause a bit of a stink in the conference. Also, take the over.
5. UCLA at Oregon State (Week 7, 5:30, Pac-12 Network) – Speaking of conference networks, here’s the worst of the bunch. That includes the Big XII’s non-existent network. Look, one of these two teams is going to be very good (I think) and will cause quite a few headaches at the top of the Pac-12 food chain (I think) and will end up being in the Pac-12 Championship (ehhhh, I don’t know).
6. TCU at Oklahoma (Week 13, Friday, Noon, FOX, confirmed) – Black Friday will start with a game between a team who just got destroyed in the national championship and a team that normally is great and struggled to be bowl-eligible. Both teams will have something to prove and this could be their last real chance to do so (and make it count) this season.
7. Kansas State at Texas Tech (Week 7, 3:30, ABC/TSN2) – I guess it makes sense that the Big XII fills a good portion of this section after almost being shut out of my Top 35 most important games of the season. The Red Raiders always put up the points, no matter who the quarterback, head coach, or receivers are. And KSU can also do that when they want to. Should be a shootout (of sorts).
8. South Carolina at Texas A&M (Week 9, Noon, specialty pack) – More Fun Bobby! And Fun Shane…ok that one doesn’t have as good a ring to it. But BeamerBall 2.0 is a lot of fun to watch.
9. Arkansas at Ole Miss (Week 6, 7:30, specialty pack) – Could Sam Pittman be the most lovable coach in the game right now? Perhaps. He still feels like a bit of an underdog and you always root for the underdog, right? Wait…I’m getting something here….a message…ah, OK. Lane Kiffin doesn’t agree.
10. Minnesota at Iowa (Week 8, 3:30, FOX) – Row The Boat vs. Single-Digit Scoring. I am intrigued, I’m not going to lie. Plus we will see the best new tradition in all of not just college football but sports in general, the Iowa Wave.
11. Duke at North Carolina (Week 11, 8:00, specialty pack) – The Eastern version of the Victory Bell could be important once again. Both teams look like they could slot in anywhere from three to six in the ACC this year (with no divisions thank god). So a win here and maybe an upset or two somewhere else and one of these programs will duke it out for a conference championship.
12. Ole Miss at Tulane (Week 2, 3:30, specialty pack) – The game time is confirmed. I assume it heads to the specialty pack. Too bad because TSN would be smart to pick up this game. The Green Wave, who have to be considered to have the best odds to make it back as the best Group of Five team, hosting Ole Miss in what will be stiflingly hot weather in New Orleans…yeah I like Tulane’s chances but I still think it will be a close one.

Best Group of Five Games

Next up is our friends from the Group of Five. Three of them got invited to sit up at the adult table so overall this group is a tiny bit weaker. That just means other teams will have opportunities that they may not have had before. So let’s look at the best Group of Five games this season. And no, the Ole Miss-Tulane game above doesn’t count. This is full G5-on-G5 violence, bruh.

1. UTSA at Tulane (Week 13, 7:00, specialty pack) – As per usual, the American Conference should make up the bulk of this list. The defending Group of Five champion (and Cotton Bowl champion), Tulane is the favourite to do it again. UTSA is in its first season in the American but already could be the team to knock the Green Wave off their perch. Huge game where I have to favour Tulane only because it’s in New Orleans not the Alamodome where the Roadrunners have a huge home advantage.
2. Air Force at Boise State (Week 13, Friday, 4:00, FOX Sports One, confirmed) – Not having FS1 will deprive Canadians of a lot of good Mountain West action. This should be the conference’s game of the year and the winner probably goes to the Mountain West Championship. Being on the Smurf Turf, I would give the Broncos the slight edge here.
3. South Alabama at Tulane (Week 1, 8:00, specialty pack) – This game is set for ESPNU on opening Saturday and, I can almost guarantee, will head to the specialty pack. The Jaguars (Jag-you-ares) came out of nowhere last season to almost win the Sun Belt. They are the favourites to win the conference and if they can pull the mini-upset here, could feasibly run the table. I guess I could say the same thing about Tulane.
4. Boise State at Fresno State (Week 10, 10:00, CBS Sports Network, confirmed) – Hey it’s CBSSN’s first foray onto any of these lists. CBSSN is a nice palette cleanser really. It shows games you never would have normally watched. Plus it shows most of UConn’s games. I am liking CBSSN having the CFL. Yes it’s just a simulcast of TSN’s showing but it works. Kind of wish they would come up with at least their own play-by-play and analysis and just use the TSN visuals.
5. Tulane at Memphis (Week 7, Friday, 7:00, TSN2) – It’s the time of year when the American and ACC split most of the Thursday and Friday night games on ESPN and their dysfunctional family of networks. TSN tends to show more Friday night games because they can put it on TSN2 and not have it interfere with the CFL’s Friday Night Football. Anyway, yes, it’s the Green Wave again. Bored yet? They might be that good. Maybe even legit Top 12 good if everything falls right.
6. Boise State at San Diego State (Week 4, Friday, 10:30, CBS Sports Network, confirmed) – And here comes Boise State again. I mean I want to say there aren’t two obvious frontrunners in the G5 but there are. Both the Broncos and Tulane should be in it to the end to see who gets that single spot.
7. South Alabama at Troy (Week 10, Thursday, 7:30, specialty pack) – Hey it’s not Tulane, Boise State, the American or the Mountain West! Let’s give the Sun Belt a lot of respect. They have become the third-best Group of Five conference and it’s a pretty wide gap between them and the two conferences below them, the MAC and Conference USA. The Battle for the Belt (so good to have a wrestling title belt as the rivalry trophy) should be for the de facto Sun Belt West title unless Louisiana or maybe Southern Miss has something to say about it.
8. Boise State at Memphis (Week 5, 3:30, specialty pack) – This might end up on ESPN or ESPN2 depending on how both teams are doing at this point. I could see it happening because ESPN made a point to trade with CBS for this BSU road game.
9. Tulane at East Carolina (Week 10, 3:30, specialty pack) – I figured East Carolina would have to find someone to replace Holton Ahlers and his 245 passes per game. Instead they plan to completely turn to the running game and grind teams into the turf. If this somehow works, Georgia Tech fans are gonna be real mad.
10. WKU at Troy (Week 4, 3:30, ESPN+) – First Conference USA appearance and it heads to ESPN+. I have that this year for the first time so I am going to have a lot of fun and totally destroy my remote control this season with that. Kind of wish it even got to ESPNU so that the specialty packs could pick it up. I still think WKU and MTSU were foolish not to take the MAC’s potential invite as they are stuck now in arguably the worst FBS conference with not much in the way of rivalries.
11. San Diego State at Air Force (Week 5, 8:00, CBS Sports Network, confirmed) – OK two teams that aren’t quite fitting the mold of the top G5 teams. Nice. And, if things go according to plan, we should see a bazillion yards rushing and the game might be over by 10:00.
12. Eastern Michigan at Toledo (Week 11, Wednesday, 7:00, specialty pack) – Finally we end this list with a MACtion game since I have to. MACtion is awesome. We also have Fun Belt now and whatever the American conference calls their weeknight games. Oh and Conference USA is doing pretty much all weeknight games in October. Crazy! Anyway, this could very well be the two best MAC teams so let’s call this the de facto MAC West championship.

Best Group of Five vs. Power Five Games

Let’s bring back this section because these games are the ones many college football fans feast on. What is better than watching your hated rival lose to a Group of Five team? Not much. And I have always said, Group of Five teams, at least the better ones, should get their shot at Power Five teams to see what they are worth. If it wasn’t for that happening, very few teams would have moved up and the Power Five may have already separated from the rest of college football by now.

1. Ole Miss at Tulane (Week 2, 3:30, specialty pack) – This was already discussed above but it is the biggest G5 vs. P5 game of the season and hosted by the Group of Five team which is a rarity but happening more often these days which is nice to see.
2. UTSA at Tennessee (Week 4, 7:30, specialty pack) – The Roadrunners meep their way up the food chain to the American Conference this season and are already a contender for the league title (and perhaps a NY6 spot). The Vols will be really good this season but a UTSA win her would be massive for the program and for the college football season as a whole.
3. Boise State at Washington (Week 1, 3:30, ABC/TSN2) – Everything is confirmed except for if the game will appear on TSN. I believe it will but we won’t know for like another two months. Ridiculous. Washington is looking to ride their Heisman contender quarterback all the way, hopefully, to the College Football Playoff so a slip-up here would almost derail that entire plan.
4. WKU at Ohio State (Week 3, 4:00, FOX, confirmed) – Look, are the Hilltoppers going to win this? No. All we can hope for is for WKU to put a scare into tOSU. If, somehow, they ended up with the upset, it would be the biggest upset in the history of college football and you wouldn’t be able to convince me otherwise.
5. Troy at Kansas State (Week 2, Noon, FOX Sports One, confirmed) – OK now this one has intrigue written all over it. Troy is one of a handful of teams that has legit New Year’s Six aspirations out of the Group of Five. Kansas State is the defending Big XII champions but have a few question marks. This feels ripe for an upset.
6. SMU at TCU (Week 4, Noon, specialty pack) – The Battle for the Iron Skillet. This might be the best one yet if the Mustangs are as good as some say they will be. Not the favourite in the American so they will have to show out in games like this to catch voters’ eyes. This could be a good litmus test to see how far TCU has fallen from last year’s national runner-up team.
7. San Diego State at Oregon State (Week 3, 3:30, FOX Sports One, confirmed) – This could be a tasty affair if the Aztecs step up and prove they could be eventually Pac-12 worthy in football. Otherwise, you might hear a lot of chainsaws going in this one since Oregon State is definitely a dark horse contender this season.
8. SMU at Oklahoma (Week 2, 6:00, ESPN+, confirmed) – Ouch. Seeing this relegated to ESPN+ surprises me a bit but the Sooners are not the team they had been for the past few decades. The Sooners are going to try and come out of the gate swinging but don’t be surprised if the Stangs give them some trouble in this one.
9. UCF at Boise State (Week 2, 7:00, FOX Sports One, confirmed) – Last year this would have been in the previous section. Now the Knights are in the Big XII but they may still be an underdog on this one. If I were a betting man I would put my money on the Broncos here as they are hoping to run the table and get back to where they believe they belong: as the top dog among the Group of Five.
10. East Carolina at Michigan (Week 1, Noon, Peacock, confirmed) – The debut of Peacock on these lists. I am sure at some point it will be available for Canadians but we aren’t quite there yet. Yeah I don’t think this will be really close but you never know. I wonder if ECU can run on this Michigan offense. If they can, the entire Big Ten will be watching tape of this game all season to see if they can replicate it.
11. UCLA at San Diego State (Week 2, 7:30, CBS, confirmed) – Nice to see the Mountain West appearing on CBS. The week before this we get Texas Tech/Wyoming and here we get a very interesting matchup that could easily lead to an upset, if SDSU has things going by the second week of the season.
12. UTSA at Houston (Week 1, 7:00, FOX Sports One, confirmed) – The Cougs have stepped up to the Big XII conference. Good for them. Problem is they start their first season back on the top tier of college football against one of the best Group of Five teams. The only thing helping Houston is that the game is in Houston and not San Antonio. I am sure Drunk Uncle Dana will be about seven Red Bulls in by the time this one starts.

Worst Power Five Games

Didn’t think I’d forget this section, right? These are the games that you can probably avoid, unless they are close. They fill conference networks (and really are the reason those networks exist but I will not complain about that) and even sometimes creep onto FOX or an ESPN2 or ESPNU. Sad but true. Spoiler alert: I will still watch most of these games.

1. Northwestern at Rutgers (Week 1, Sunday, Noon, CBS, confirmed) – What a way to show off the new Big Ten on CBS with a game between *checks notes* uh….Northwestern and Rutgers? My God that is not good at all. Who the hell is picking these games at CBS? The only thing I can think happened was that it was the last game remaining…like picking the last kid in dodgeball. Well, nothing else will be on at that time at least in a college football sense so guess what ol’ Bossman will be watching?
2. Stanford at Colorado (Week 7, Friday, 10:00, TSN2) – This is confirmed for ESPN2 but who knows if TSN will pick it up or not. Look I understand there is a lot of hype with Deion Sanders now coaching at Colorado. And that’s a good thing for that program. But they will struggle to be bowl-eligible this season. Now Stanford….that’s a different story. They are back to the days before Jim Harbaugh and then David Shaw resurrected this program. They may just be the worst Power Five team at this point. What a fall from grace.
3. Virginia Tech at Virginia (Week 13, Noon, specialty pack) – What happened last year at Virginia was tragic. Three players gunned down late in the season. UVA rightfully cancelled their final two games, including the Commonwealth Cup game against VaTech. Now they are back but this will not be an easy season for the Hoos, both on the field and emotionally. The Hokies are as bad as I have ever seen them be. Then again, I only mostly saw them as a Frank Beamer team. Beamerball, this is not. Look, I hate putting this game here but these two teams might be god-awful this season.
4. Rutgers at Indiana (Week 8, Noon, Big Ten Network) – Rutgers is, unfortunately, back to being Rutgers. And Indiana without Michael Penix Jr…well we found out they were bad. Both coaches will be on the hot seat with Tom Allen in the much hotter seat for sure. The loser might not win a Big Ten game this season.
5. Virginia at Boston College (Week 5, Noon, specialty pack) – As for non-Virginia teams in the ACC who probably won’t be going bowling, BC comes to mind. I can’t see them finding the magic formula especially with a young, relatively untested quarterback manning the ship.
6. California at Stanford (Week 12, 9:00, Pac-12 Network) – Ah, the worst of the conference networks. What a shitshow it is. Anyway, The Big Game will be anything but big this season as I already mentioned how bad Stanford will be and I don’t know how many people outside the Cal football program care about Cal football. A shame, really.
7. Colorado at Arizona State (Week 6, 9:00, Pac-12 Network) – Remember when ASU was the laughing stock of the Pac-12 for like a second? Everyone thought their ship was going to come crashing down. Well it did but other teams flew past them into the basement. That doesn’t mean this is some kind of comeback story, though. They still aren’t good and will be fighting for bowl eligibility. Wins in games like this are a must for that to happen.
8. Georgia Tech at Virginia (Week 10, 3:30, specialty pack) – It feels kind of weird watching Georgia Tech play football when they aren’t running the Paul Johnson option offense. You know, I’m starting to think they never should have changed from that. Made them unique and helped them win just as often as they lost.
9. Virginia Tech at Rutgers (Week 3, 3:30, Big Ten Network, confirmed) – Hey let’s dip into some non-con action now. I would ask who the hell scheduled a game like this but it was probably scheduled back when the Hokies played their first season in the ACC.
10. Arizona at Stanford (Week 4, 7:00, FOX Sports One) – I have to be honest: Jedd Fisch has already exceeded my expectations for a) his coaching in Tucson and b) a guy named Jedd. This team is on the brink of getting back to postseason play for the first time in years. I will put the over/under on fans attending this game at 14,000.
11. Arizona State at California (Week 5, 9:30, Pac-12 Network) – I am still on the record saying that there should be a pure sports-style Netflix or Amazon Prime out there. One where you can add or subtract whatever channels you want based on sport, country, etc. Would it be the death knell to cable? No but it would be quite the flesh wound. By the way, this game has some pretty good Pac-12 After Dark vibes to it and could get wacky because both teams are just not that good.
12. Northwestern at Nebraska (Week 8, 2:30, Peacock) – I would be remiss if I didn’t include Nebraska somewhere on this list. They’ve fooled and many others over the past few years. So until they prove it, I will not take the bait. Nope, no more. I refuse to drink the Husker Koolaid.

Alright, done and dusted. A reminder that tomorrow is the end of the fiscal year for pretty much all the FBS schools. There are rumours that something on the realignment (oh god that word) front could happen by the end of the night or the very next day. Last year it was USC and UCLA to the Big Ten. Can’t see anything as big as that but you never know.

Well, I would like to wish everyone a great Canada Day weekend and Fourth of July celebration. We are less than two months away folks. Nice to be talking college football again.

Hey, what happened in the NFL offseason? Probably nothing.

Oh wait, it’s the NFL…all sorts of shit happens in the offseason. It’s a year-long drama with this league. Even soap operas look at some of this stuff and say “that’s unrealistic.”

Deshaun Watson, the Cleveland Browns’ starting quarterback (and I use that term this season loosely) will be suspended for the first eleven games of the 2022 NFL season because of his issue with masseuses. Big issues. Bad issues. “If they’re true” some will say. I don’t remember players in football getting suspended for more than half a season for something they didn’t do.

Tom Brady decided to retire then got pissy because Adam Schefter broke the news too early I guess. So he unretired. There’s more to it but still, I am 99.9% sure that’s part of it.

Sean Payton is no longer the coach of the New Orleans Saints. You watch that movie about him going to coach his son’s team while he was suspended for a year? He was played by Kevin James. It was not good.

Brian Flores sued the NFL for racial discrimination. It will be interesting to see where this goes as it’s not a good look for the league. Now if he sued Dolphins owner Stephen Ross for being a complete shitbag, then he’d win no problem.

Aaron Rodgers again played coy and acted like he’d leave the Green Bay Packers. He didn’t although he very well could have and made a lot of many elsewhere. A-A-Ron also knows that Matt LaFleur will put up with his bullshit for another season so that helps.

Receivers now making crazy money, Russell Wilson out of Seattle, Baker Mayfield out of Cleveland (and no more commercials from that stadium I assume), Matt Ryan ending up in Indy, Washington getting a new team name and still being a gongshow of an organization, the playoff overtime format changing (thankfully) and many other things happened as well. So yeah…calm.

OK enough of all that because we are almost ready for the NFL season! September 8th, the Bills travel to Los Angeles to face the Rams to start the new season. I am very much looking forward to this and you might see why from the upcoming predictions. Let’s get right to them (as per usual, an * means that team was able to snag a Wild Card spot…good for them):

AFC East		NFC East
Buffalo	13-4	Philadelphia	10-7
New England	9-8	Dallas*	10-7
Miami	9-8	Washington	7-10
NY Jets	6-11	NY Giants	5-12
AFC North		NFC North
Baltimore	10-7	Green Bay	12-5
Cincinnati*	10-7	Minnesota*	9-8
Cleveland	8-9	Detroit	6-11
Pittsburgh	8-9	Chicago	5-12
AFC South		NFC South
Indianapolis	10-7	Tampa Bay	12-5
Tennessee*	10-7	New Orleans	8-9
Jacksonville	5-12	Carolina	7-10
Houston	4-13	Atlanta	4-13
AFC West		NFC West
Kansas City	11-6	LA Rams	12-5
LA Chargers*	11-6	San Francisco*	9-8
Las Vegas	9-8	Arizona	9-8
Denver	9-8	Seattle	5-12

Notes on those standings predictions:

• Yep, I have the Buffalo Bills as the only 13-win team in the league. I know that probably won’t happen. They may win 14!
• The NFC will be a bit clogged at the top with three teams trying to get the only first round bye. I have the Bucs getting that first round bye thanks to a complicated set of tiebreakers that ends with a game of dizzy bat.
• I foresee quite a few close division races with the AFC North, AFC South, AFC West, and NFC East all ending up tied at the end of the season. Not having a home playoff game can be seriously rough so feel bad for the Bengals, Titans, Chargers, and Cowboys if you feel like it.
• As it normally is, the Wild Card races should be fun. I have the Titans and Bengals being one game up on the Patriots, Dolphins, Raiders, and Broncos to nab the final two spots. In the NFC, the Vikings and Niners do just enough to stay ahead of the Cardinals to make the playoffs.
• The race to the bottom pits Houston against Atlanta, although the Jags, Giants and Seahawks will try their best to dive to bottom of the NFL ocean. I have the Falcons “winning” the #1 pick for next year’s draft and the chance to, at this point, bring in Bryce Young as their franchise quarterback.
• I think Josh Allen beats out a bevy of other quarterbacks to win the MVP. Tom Brady, Justin Herbert and Joe Burrow will be close but not enough to overtake the man who I believe will take the Bills to the best record in the league.
• Rookie of the Year is, as I always say, a complete crapshoot. I will go with the players that I believe will play the most. So I am picking Aidan Hutchinson on the defensive side and Kenny Pickett on the offensive side.
• Coach of the Year? Ah, why not, I’m good at getting these predictions wrong, what’s one more? I’ll go with Sean McDermott of the Bills since, other than Dan Campbell and the Detroit Lions, I don’t see another team having a big improvement from the previous year.

And now it’s time to go to the playoff predictions. Last year’s were…not good. Let’s hope for better time around.

Wild Card Round

Kansas City (2) def. Tennessee (7)

Cincinnati (6) def. Baltimore (3)

LA Chargers (5) def. Indianapolis (4)

Green Bay (2) def. San Francisco (7)

LA Rams (3) def. Minnesota (6)

Dallas (5) def. Philadelphia (4)

Divisional Round

Buffalo (1) def. Cincinnati (6)

LA Chargers (5) def. Kansas City (2)

Tampa Bay (1) def. Dallas (5)

LA Rams (3) def. Green Bay (2)

Conference Championships

Buffalo (1) def. LA Chargers (5)

LA Rams (3) def. Tampa Bay (1)

Super Bowl

Buffalo (1) def. LA Rams (3)

Yes for the second year in a row I have the Buffalo Bills winning the Super Bowl. I feel better about this year’s prediction than last year’s. Then again, last year I picked Seattle to go to the Super Bowl so it’s a low bar to begin with. At least now if they go to overtime, they know they will get a chance to score.

I hope you enjoyed Week Zero of the college football season. It was…technically college football. I wonder if Scott Frost was left in Ireland. Anyway, soon enough we get back to in the old rotation of things and all will feel right in the world. Have a great week everyone!

Welp…might as well do a mock draft

I have got a lot of time on my hands these days.  And this Coronavirus is making it that much easier to do sweet fuck all since doing that at home is great protection against the virus.  It honestly is amazing how quickly things escalated.  At first I thought “Hey maybe they are overexaggerating.”  Then it very quickly became “Nope, they aren’t.  At all.”  Thanks to Rudy Gobert (I kid, but really, what a fucking moron) we will now have no sports at least through the end of March.  These are very odd times in our world.  Unprecedented stuff really.  No one has ever gone through something like this.  Even 9/11 didn’t cause this.  So since there is time to kill I figured why not go ahead and do a mock draft.  And no I wasn’t drunk.  So let’s get started before I change my mind.

FIRST ROUND

1		Joe Burrow, QB (LSU)
2		Chase Young, EDGE (Ohio State)
3		Jeff Okudah, CB (Ohio State)
4		Mekhi Becton, T (Louisville)
5		Tua Tagovailoa, QB (Alabama)
6		Justin Herbert, QB (Oregon)
7		Isaiah Simmons, OLB (Clemson)
8		Jedrick Wills Jr., T (Alabama)
9		Derrick Brown, DT (Auburn)
10		Andrew Thomas, T (Georgia)
11		CeeDee Lamb, WR (Oklahoma)
12		Jerry Jeudy, WR (Alabama)
13		Jordan Love, QB (Utah State)
14		Tristan Wirfs, T (Iowa)
15		Javon Kinlaw, DT (South Carolina)
16		A.J. Epenesa, EDGE (Iowa)
17		Kristian Fulton, CB (LSU)
18		Austin Jackson, T (USC)
19		A.J. Terrell, CB (Clemson)
20		K’Lavon Chaisson, OLB (LSU)
21		Justin Jefferson, WR (LSU)
22		Tee Higgins, WR (Clemson)
23		Brandon Aiyuk, WR (Arizona State)
24		Patrick Queen, LB (LSU)
25		Josh Jones, T (Houston)
26		Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE (Penn State)
27		Xavier McKinney, S (Alabama)
28		Zack Baun, OLB (Wisconsin)
29		Tyler Biadasz, C (Wisconsin)
30		C.J. Henderson, CB (Florida)
31		Grant Delpit, S (LSU)
32		D’Andre Swift, RB (Georgia)

Random Info

• Still only one round.  I am not putting THAT much effort in just yet for this.  I am assuming that soon enough the analysis will go into overdrive with nothing else to discuss so I will leave any potential deeper analysis for later.
• Joe Burrow STILL seems to be the consensus number one pick going to the Bengals and that gap between him and Chase Young seems to be widening.  With the Redskins, probably, not needing a new quarterback (despite new coach Ron Rivera’s possibly not being enthralled with Dwayne Haskins), this means Burrow would have to drop to #5 to get picked.  That’s not happening.
• This should all work out great for the Redskins.  Cincinnati picking Burrow means the defensive gem of the draft, Chase Young, would fall into their laps.  With a young offense (plus Adrian Peterson) and Young anchoring the defense, the Skins might shoot up the standings quicker than many think.
• I don’t put trades in at all.  It doesn’t make sense to.  I’ve said this for years and I will continue to state that.  I’d have a better shot at hooking up with Abigail Ratchford than getting a single trade absolutely correct.  Saying that, I would be shocked if the Dolphins kept all three picks.  I could see them moving up just to make sure they got Tagovailoa, who is the quarterback they seem to be coveting.
• Austin Jackson has rocketed up my draft list.  Same with a trio of wide receivers: Justin Jefferson, Tee Higgins and Brandon Aiyuk.  I have never seen this many wide receivers potentially going in a first round ever.  It makes sense though with the way passing games are.  If you have the quarterback, you better have the receivers.
• There are very few locks other than the top two at this point.  Saying that, the Chargers desperately need a quarterback now that Philip Rivers and his twenty-two kids have moved on.
• Also, there is one thing that has nothing to do with picks that could affect this draft: Tom Brady.  He still hasn’t signed and there are still a few teams in the mix.  Where he lands may dictate changes in team needs, especially if he doesn’t re-sign with the Patriots.

Just the second mock draft I did this off-season.  See?  I told you I wouldn’t be doing as many.  I guess it keeps some sort of football mode going now that there isn’t even the XFL to watch.

I honestly haven’t worked at all on the college football schedule yet.  Nothing.  At some point I will get to it but for right now it does seem pointless to really dive deep into it.  I know once we get into April I will start ramping things up as the draft will be near and we might be actually thinking of football a bit at that point.  Keep safe.  Don’t go crazy but just take the proper precautions.  Gotta hope that in like a couple of months we can look back at this and say “Yeah maybe we overreacted a bit but the virus is under control and things haven’t gone seriously sideways.”  Have a great rest of March!

NFL Draft Recap of Fun and Excitement (for most)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

*deep breath*

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Man the Philly faithful did not like Roger Goodell.  Well, to be honest, no one really likes Roger Goodell.  I think even the owners basically tolerate at him at this point and once he stops making them gobs of money he will be tossed aside like yesterday’s trash.  I did smile the first few times they booed him.  Funny.  Bettman-esque even.  Then it just got kind of annoying and sad.  We get it, you don’t like him.

Before we get into my team ratings, let’s go over a few things first:

• I am not a Dallas Cowboys fan by any stretch of the imagination but good lord Drew Pearson trolled the shit out of the Eagles fans and it was glorious!  The best pick selection of the draft by far.
• I don’t know what Takkarist McKinley was drinking back in the draft waiting room but man he was on fire when he was selected by the Falcons.  First, he comes out with this HUGE picture of his grandmother.  Like something you put over a fireplace.  It was about the size of the Queen Elizabeth portrait at the old Winnipeg Arena.  Then he gets interviewed afterwards and just goes nuts.  And swore.  And dared the NFL to fine him.  It was great.  I hope he gets Defensive Rookie of the Year just for that performance alone.
• Day 3 was shit.  Except for Mike Mayock’s absolute hatred of the picks coming out of the Indianapolis Zoo.  I agree it was kind of dumb but it’s a tough thing the NFL has to do with rounds four through seven.  The first three rounds it’s actually still exciting as you wonder who goes where, who trades up, who makes a dumb pick, etc.  But the last four rounds go so fast at times that some guys get drafted and you never hear their name.  So there has to be some entertainment value along with the analysis.  Saying that, some ideas are dumb and some are just boring.  Not a whole lot you can do really.
• Charles Davis’ knowledge of wrestling was surprising and amazing all at the same time.  I’m surprised he didn’t do the Ric Flair WOOOOOOOOOOO! if a team made a great choice.

OK enough of that.  Let’s get on with the picks!  I will be honest and say I did not watch one minute of the ESPN coverage of the first round.  According to Twitter I was in the extreme minority.  I do have a question for all of those people though: If you don’t like the ESPN broadcast of the event, why watch it when there’s an alternative?  I think the NFL Network did a good job.  I do, for the most part, enjoy Mike Mayock, Daniel Jeremiah, and (later on) Charles Davis doing analysis on all the draft picks.  And Rich Eisen is as good a host as there is when it comes to the NFL nowadays.  In honour of the good job they did, I will be doing this on the MAYOCK SCALE.  So let’s get down it OK?

6 Mike Mayocks (Pretty damn fantastic!)

Arizona (First pick: Haason Reddick, Other Notable Picks: Budda Baker, Chad Williams, Dorian Johnson) – I am going to disagree with pretty much everyone and say that the Arizona Cardinals and not the San Francisco 49ers won this draft (although it was close).  Reddick was a great pick but it was their next three picks that set them apart.  Baker could end up being one of the biggest steals of the draft in the second round.  All in all, no bad picks equals good times in the desert.

San Francisco (First pick: Solomon Thomas, Other Notable Picks: Reuben Foster, George Kittle, D.J. Jones) – The trade early on with the Bears was the coup of the draft.  John Lynch has had a great start as GM with that one move.  And picking Solomon Thomas was awesome.  Saying that, they had a couple garbage picks and I can’t let a team who even had one bad pick as the winner of the draft.  Lucky for them, everyone will only remember the Trubisky trade.

Baltimore (First pick: Marlon Humphrey, Other Notable Picks: Chris Wormley, Tim Williams, Nico Siragusa, Jermaine Eluemunor) – Arguably the most consistently good draft from beginning to end.  Siragusa was a fantastic pick and almost every other pick was good and fit what they needed.

Cleveland (First pick: Myles Garrett, Other Notable Picks: Jabrill Peppers, Roderick Johnson, Caleb Brantley, Matt Dayes) – A good draft.  Or in Cleveland terms, the Draft of the Century!  Garrett was the obvious number one choice.  People are polarizing on Peppers but I think he was a decent pick.  Johnson and Dayes late are great gets for a team not known for its drafting prowess.

Tampa Bay (First pick: O.J. Howard, Other Notable Picks: Justin Evans, Chris Godwin, Jeremy McNichols) – The Bucs drafted three weapons for Famous Jameis.  That alone puts them in the top tier.

5 Mike Mayocks (That’s some good pickin!)

The NEW Los Angeles Chargers (First pick: Mike Williams, Other Notable Picks: Dan Feeney, Desmond King) – Amazingly enough, Williams may have been one of the worst picks of the bunch just for the fact they reached a bit for him.  Other than that a solid draft for a team that will be playing in a 30,000 seat stadium.

Buffalo (First pick: Tre’Davious White, Other Notable Picks: Zay Jones, Nathan Peterman) – So let me get this straight: the Bills fire most of their front office staff THE DAY AFTER THE DRAFT ENDS?  I get that new head coach Sean McDermott probably did the entire draft but still, this is a bad look for a team that hasn’t made the playoffs this century.

Tennessee (First pick: Corey Davis, Other Notable Picks: Adoree Jackson, Taywan Taylor, Jayon Brown) – So……….the real question should be what position won’t Adoree Jackson play.

Washington (First pick: Jonathan Allen, Other Notable Picks: Samaje Perine, Josh Harvey-Clemsons) – Allen is a great pickup for the Skins.  You have to wonder why he even made it to the Skins since a couple months ago he was considered a top 5 pick.  Perine was overshadowed by the Joe Mixon saga and may end up working out very well in DC.

Minnesota (First pick: Dalvin Cook, Other Notable Picks: Pat Elflein, Stacy Coley) – No, Cook won’t erase the memory of Adrian Peterson (in his glory days).  But at least the Vikings have shored up their pathetic running game with that pick.  Elflein helps in that regard as well.

4 Mike Mayocks (Give your scouts a bonus…but only a small one)

Indianapolis (First pick: Malik Hooker, Other Notable Picks: Quincy Wilson, Marlon Mack) – Hooker was easily their best pick of the draft.  Mayock himself would have pushed the Colts further down the list for their Day 3 Indianapolis Zoo shenanigans.

Philadelphia (First pick: Derek Barnett, Other Notable Picks: Mack Hollins, Donnel Pumphrey, Elijah Qualls) – The hosts did well.  They booed.  A lot.  And they cheered at most of the appropriate times.  And Santa Claus and Michael Irvin weren’t there to incite them into a fury.  Plus their first pick was a good one.  Also, they got Darren Sproles 2.0 in Pumphrey (who is NOT the NCAA rushing yards career leader no matter what the NCAA says).

Miami (First pick: Charles Harris, Other Notable Picks: Isaac Asiata, Davon Godchaux, Vincent Taylor, Isaiah Ford) – A lot of good picks.  No great picks although getting Asiata, Godchaux, and Ford where the Fins got them makes their draft class look a lot better.

Denver (First pick: Garett Bolles (and Garett Bolles’ kid), Other Notable Picks: Carlos Henderson, Jake Butt, Chad Kelly) – If it wasn’t for Takkarist McKinley going off the rails, Bolles and his son would be the highlight of the first round.  A decent pick as well.  Jake Butt is a risk considering his bowl game injury but could turn out to be an amazing pick.  I honestly think Chad Kelly will go into camp with a big chip on his shoulder.  It’s not Trevor Siemian or Paxton Lynch are for-sure starters so Kelly may sneak in as the backup.  Mr. Irrelevant indeed.

Dallas (First pick: Taco Charlton, Other Notable Pick: Chidobe Awuzie, Xavier Woods, Marquez White) – Drew Pearson was the clear highlight for the Cowboys.  Too bad, because the guy he announced, Awuzie, was a great pick at that time of the draft.  Other than that, a whole lot of average picks.

3 Mike Mayocks (OK now things are starting to turn for the worse)

New Orleans (First pick: Marshon Lattimore, Other Notable Pick: Alex Anzalone) – Fantastic pickup of Lattimore.  After that it really was mediocre at best with Anzalone the only decent pick afterwards.  Al-Quadin Muhammad was a pick they didn’t need to make considering his off-the-field issues.

Jacksonville (First pick: Leonard Fournette, Other Notable Picks: Dede Westbrook, Blair Brown, Jalen Myrick) – There are very polarizing views of the Jags picking Fournette.  One thing is for sure, though; they intend to contend for a playoff spot this year and they are planning much of their offense around Fournette.  Westbrook was a good pick for where he was and Brown and Myrick were decent picks as well.  Other than that, a whole lot of meh.

Green Bay (First pick: Kevin King, Other Notable Pick: Jamaal Williams) – If it wasn’t for the two picks mentioned, Green Bay would have been almost last in the rankings.  King was a superb pick considering the depth of secondary players in this draft.  Williams will be a starter very soon (perhaps Week 1) for the Packers.  The rest of their picks were pretty much shit with some pretty bad late-round drafting.

Pittsburgh (First pick: T.J. Watt, Other Notable Picks: Bryan Allen, JuJu Smith-Schuster) – I liked the Steelers’ pick of Watt.  More than many it seems.  Also liked the Smith-Schuster pick.  Yes they missed on many of their draft picks otherwise but those two, for sure, were top-rate picks.

Cincinnati (First pick: John Ross, Other Notable Picks: Joe Mixon, Jordan Willis) – I honestly don’t know what I think about the Mixon pick.  On one hand, if the Bengals hadn’t taken them, I am sure there were at least 4 or 5 other teams that would have shortly thereafter.  On the other hand this is a huge risk on Cincinnati’s part.  If this doesn’t work, there could be major changes just around the corner in southern Ohio.

2 Mike Mayocks (Yeah this isn’t good now)

New England (First pick: Derek Rivers, Other Notable Pick: Antonio Garcia) – One of these four draft picks they had will be a Pro Bowler.  Guaranteed.

NY Giants (First pick: Evan Engram, Other Notable Picks: Dalvin Tomlinson, Davis Webb) – The Giants reached for Engram.  They made have unearthed a bit of a diamond in the rough (as much as you can do that on the first two nights of the draft these days) in Davis Webb.  Kid can chuck the ball all over the field and would be a good replacement for Eli at some point (as long as OBJ is still with the team).

Houston (First pick: Deshaun Watson, Other Notable Pick: Zach Cunningham) – If they hadn’t traded that much to get Watson, I would have said it was a solid pick.  He will be the day one starter and will be counted on to get the Texans back to the playoffs again.  Talk about pressure.  Cunningham was the only good pick Houston had.

Atlanta (First pick: Takkarist McKinley, Other Notable Pick: Damontae Kazee) – Takk McKinley was awesome on draft night.  A bit of a reach on the Falcons’ part if you ask me but still, you can’t deny his passion.  Other than him and Kazee the Falcons flopped big in the draft.  Not as bad as their Super Bowl loss.  Too soon?  Yeah, probably too soon.

Detroit (First pick: Jarrad Davis, Other Notable Picks: Jeremiah Ledbetter) – The Lions missed slightly with their first pick.  Then again with their second pick (I think I had Teez Tabor too high in my mock drafts).  I say Ledbetter is a good pick but that may be stretching it.  No super bad picks and that’s the only thing keeping them out of lower territory.

1 Mike Mayock (Good lord)

Carolina (First pick: Christian McCaffrey, Other Notable Pick: Daeshon Hall) – I think McCaffrey was not a good choice at that spot.  He could prove me wrong but it feels like he picked with his almost-Heisman season two seasons ago.  If it wasn’t for the Daeshon Hall pick, the Panthers would have been close to the bottom of the rankings.

Seattle (First pick: Malik McDowell, Other Notable Picks: None) – McDowell was a great pick.  After that there is nothing notable.  Kind of sad considering they drafted like 100 guys (OK it was 11 but it felt like a lot more).

NY Jets (First pick: Jamal Adams, Other Notable Pick: Chad Hansen) – Adams was an OK pick.  Hansen was a fantastic pick (where they got him).  A lot of sub-average picks otherwise.  Pretty much forgetable.

Kansas City (First pick: Patrick Mahomes, Other Notable Picks: None) – Mahomes is a good quarterback.  What they traded to get him might not have been worth it but they needed someone.  The rest were fairly average picks.  Except for Ukeme Eligwe.  He was kicked off the Florida State team.  I would be shocked if he ever makes the Chiefs roster.  Feels like a wasted pick.

Oakland (First pick: Gareon Conley, Other Notable Picks: None) – Conley is a risky pick.  Then again it is the Las Vegas, uh, I mean, Oakland Raiders.  And what was that about making the picks from Vegas?  I fully agree with Rich Eisen, that was just another slap in the face to the fans out in Oakland.

Los Angeles Rams (First pick: Gerald Everett, Other Notable Picks: None) – If it wasn’t for the worst team in these rankings, I would have ranked this team at the bottom.  That was from the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.  Anyway…yeah the Rams and their young GM pissed away the draft.  Damn millennials.

Negative 50,000 Mike Mayocks (What in the fuck?)

Chicago (First pick: Mitchell Trubisky, Other Notable Picks: None) – Arguably the worst trade for a top 5 pick in NFL History (OK second worst after Hinton-for-Elway).  Poor Mitchell Trubisky.  The kid has to be basically a Hall of Famer or otherwise the fans and the media will shit all over the Bears for this draft and rightfully so.  It was awful.  Like seriously fucking awful.  It was a fun trainwreck to watch though.

Alright, done the draft recap.  A longer-than-usual post from yours truly but I needed to be at least somewhat thorough with some parts of the draft.  Plus it’s not like I am posting much these days.  God I miss football.

It’s almost June which means some semblance of football returns (the CFL).  It also means I can start gathering college football preview magazines soon with the mecca of magazines, the Phil Steele College Football Preview, the one that you should get if you are a huge college football fan (like myself).  Soon enough I will be putting together the most important games of the year posts along with the preliminary network previews which will be somewhat difficult with the Big Ten’s partial move to FOX (and more importantly for us Canadians, FOX Sports One).

How Did I Do? – 2016 NFL Draft Edition

Yeah that pretty much sums it up.  My final mock draft wasn’t even close on almost every pick.  To be honest, I am sure I didn’t get even one right.  Pretty sad.  Then again, almost everyone’s mock drafts blew up before the draft even began thanks to some Laremy Tunsil shenanigans.

That one picture made day one of the draft this year the goofiest, craziest draft day ever.  I do feel for Laremy somewhat.  Who knows how long ago that pic was taken and the fact his Twitter account (along with his Instagram account later on) was hacked is no laughing matter.  Sounds like a former financial advisor of his is the guilty party here (probably a guy who was cut out right before Mister Tunsil was ready to make some serious cash).  Saying all that, why do people in all walks of life continue to have pictures and videos that could potentially be harmful to them or others?  We are in an era where people love to overshare and get burned by it or they forget to delete that incriminating video or dick pic or naked selfie.  They make their lives (usually) much more stressful than they have to be with this shit.

A few notes before we get started with the team rankings:

• Great on the Cowboys picking Jaylon Smith on day two. The guy won’t be playing the entire 2016 season but the hope is he will be a force in 2017.  If he gets healthy this might be one of the steals of the decade as every other team seemed scared to take him.
• Hats off also to the Ravens for picking local boy (somewhat) Keenan Reynolds. Getting athletes that can play a few different positions (he’s a quarterback that was drafted as a wide receiver) is smart for any team.  If used properly he could be a huge part of Baltimore’s offense for years to come.
• Finally, a great pick by Minnesota in the sixth round. Moritz Boehringer, a wide receiver selected straight outta Germany, started playing football after watching videos of Adrian Peterson.  A few years later the Vikings make his dreams come true by drafting him.  Thing is he could be quite the draftee.  Runs a sub-4.5 40 and is a big target.  Give him a year on the practice squad and then watch out since he’s a raw talent if there ever was one.

Alright enough draft overview.  Now on to team ratings.  I will go over first round picks, any other great picks, and maybe some bad picks or early round stretches.  This will be done on the Mel Kiper Ocho Scale.  Before I begin I have to say ESPN’s coverage was mediocre at best.  Not bad, just nothing special.  Kiper was fine (although he looks like he’s staring into the sun when he’s on camera).  Berman was his usual annoying, idiotic self with nothing to add to the telecast.  What surprised me was Jon Gruden just being a nobody most of the night.  Maybe he’s still upset with Tirico leaving the four-letter network.  Alright here we go!

8 Mel Kipers (You dun good!)

Jacksonville (First pick: Jalen Ramsey, Other Notable Picks: Myles Jack, Yannick Ngakoue, Tyrone Holmes) – I would say the winner of the draft was the Jacksonville Jaguars.  Unfortunately for me, Colin Cowherd also said the same thing.  I don’t like agreeing with the man but in this case he is right.  The pick of Myles Jack alone puts them in the top tier.  Getting Ramsey when they got him was great value.  No real bad picks at all.  A great draft.

Cincinnati (First pick: William Jackson, Other Notable Picks: Nick Vigil, Andrew Billings, Christian Westerman) – Getting Jackson was a pretty good pick but he was expected to be picked around there.  Getting Billings where they got him was huge as I (along with many others) had him as a day two pick.  Just like the Jaguars, the Bengals had no bad picks.

Baltimore (First pick: Ronnie Stanley, Other Notable Picks: Bronson Kaufusi, Kenneth Dixon, Keenan Reynolds, Maurice Canady) – A great three days for the Ravens.  I touched on Reynolds on how that was a good (yet shrewd) pick.  Getting Canady as low as he did was a steal as one of my mocks had him as a second rounder.

Houston (First pick: Will Fuller, Other Notable Picks: Braxton Miller, K.J. Dillon) – A solid draft but not spectacular.  The picks of Miller and Dillon are exceptional with no real weak spots.

7 Mel Kipers (Hey, good stuff!)

Pittsburgh (First pick: Artie Burns, Other Notable Picks: Sean Davis, Javon Hargrave, Tyler Matakevich) – Despite the fact they may have had one of the biggest stretches of the first round, picking Artie Burns who probably would have been there during their second round selection, they made up for it with pretty good picks the rest of the way, highlighted by Matakevich late.

Chicago (First pick: Leonard Floyd, Other Notable Picks: Cody Whitehair, Jonathan Bullard) – Floyd was a good pick and fits perfectly with what the Bears needed.  The Bears and linebackers go together like peanut butter and jelly (supposedly).  No bad picks but nothing spectacular afterwards.

Los Angeles (First pick: Jared Goff, Other Notable Picks: Tyler Higbee, Pharoh Cooper) – Goff was an easy choice and now the Rams have their franchise quarterback (sorry Nick Foles).  Cooper in the fourth round was a steal and I think Higbee could be a great weapon for Goff.

Indianapolis (First pick: Ryan Kelly, Other Notable Picks: Le’Raven Clark, Hassan Ridgeway, Austin Blythe) – To say the Colts went out of their way to find protection for Andrew Luck is a VAST understatement.  The rest of the AFC South better watch out if this new O-line including Kelly and Clark protects Luck the way they could.

6 Mel Kipers (Still doing well)

Green Bay (First pick: Kenny Clark, Other Notable Picks: Jason Spriggs, Kyler Fackrell) – Clark and Spriggs alone put the Packers at least at the 5 Kiper level.  No bad picks and Kenny Clark was a decent first rounder.

Washington (First pick: Josh Doctson, Other Notable Picks: Su’a Cravens, Kendall Fuller) – Doctson, in my opinion, is better than Will Fuller who was drafted in the slot before him.  I’m sure Kirk Cousins likes that pick (YOU LIKE THAT?).  Kendall Fuller was also a great pick as I had him late first round/early second round for most of my mocks.

San Diego (First pick: Joey Bosa, Other Notable Picks: Hunter Henry, Joshua Perry) – Bosa was a fantastic pick at three.  The Chargers, in their lame duck San Diego season, will give their fans a treat…before they fuck off for LA.

Miami (First pick: Laremy Tunsil, Other Notable Picks: Xavien Howard, Kenyan Drake, Jakeem Grant) – Miami obviously has some balls to pick Tunsil.  Either that or they realize he was a college student (and therefore, prone to make stupid mistakes) and that he probably isn’t Ricky Williams.  Drake was overshadowed by Derrick Henry but is a definite talent in the backfield.

5 Mel Kipers (OK, you’re not doing too badly)

Minnesota (First pick: Laquon Treadwell, Other Notable Picks: Mackensie Alexander, Kentrell Brothers, Moritz Boehringer) – I touched on Boehringer earlier.  I think Treadwell was the best WR in the draft and if he and MoBo team with AP and Teddy Ballgame, the Vikings could be the team to beat in the NFC North, if not the entire NFC…in 2017.

NY Giants (First pick: Eli Apple, Other Notable Picks: Sterling Shepard, B.J. Goodson, Paul Perkins) – Apple was a huge stretch in the first round.  Besides that, WHO WILL COOK FOR HIM?  Shepard and Perkins are underrated picks for the offense and should work well in the Big Apple (more so than the Eli Apple).

NY Jets (First pick: Darron Lee, Other Notable Pick: Christian Hackenberg) – A pretty average draft for the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS.  It will be interesting to see what Hackenberg can do with an offensive line that isn’t basically cardboard cutouts of fat guys.

Oakland (First pick: Karl Joseph, Other Notable Picks: Shilique Calhoun, Vadal Alexander) – Calhoun as late as he was picked was a steal.  I’m not totally sold on Karl Joseph but I will say it was still a good pick.  How will these guys feel about playing in the Vegas heat though?

4 Mel Kipers (Alright now things aren’t looking so swell)

Buffalo (First pick: Shaq Lawson, Other Notable Picks: Reggie Ragland, Cardale Jones) – You could say the Bills had an OK draft.  The Bills Mafia may put you through a table for your troubles though.  Lawson and Ragland were good, not great, picks.  Jones could end up being a great player but I wouldn’t piss off Tyrod Taylor too much more or otherwise they will have to find out how good Cardale is now (which probably is not that great).

New Orleans (First pick: Sheldon Rankins, Other Notable Pick: Michael Thomas) – Rankins was a pretty good pick for the Saints.  Honestly, I put the Saints here because they didn’t have more picks to fuck things up since it kept getting worse for them as the draft went on.

Arizona (First pick: Robert Nkemdiche, Other Notable Pick: Evan Boehm) – What was it with Ole Miss?  I can see a big fat probation for the Rebs this season.  Too bad since the players were all drafted lower than they should have been.  Nkemdiche was no exception.  Other than him and Boehm though, the Cards had a sub-par draft.

Seattle (First pick: Germain Ifedi, Other Notable Picks: Jarran Reed, C.J. Prosise) – I honestly think Prosise was a fantastic pick for the Seahawks.  Reed was also picked later than I thought he would go.  Other than that, a lot of meh for the Seahawks.

3 Mel Kipers (Things are going downhill)

Denver (First pick: Paxton Lynch, Other Notable Pick: Devontae Booker) – Lynch will be the quarterback of the future in the Mile High City and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be the best QB in this draft.  Booker was a solid pick (Denver and running backs…huh, who would have thought?).  But picking a fullback AND a punter in the same draft?  For shame Elway.

Dallas (First pick: Ezekiel Elliott, Other Notable Picks: Jaylon Smith, Dak Prescott) – Elliott was probably selected too high but there was no guarantee he’d be there for the Cowboys second pick.  Dallas’ pick of Smith was a nice touch and possibly the smartest move of the draft.  Dak could be sneaky good but the rest of the picks weren’t good at all with Darius Jackson and Rico Gathers back-to-back late being some of the worst in the entire draft.

New England (First pick: Cyrus Jones, Other Notable Pick: Joe Thuney) – The Patriots almost always end near the bottom of these team rankings.  I don’t think Belichick gives a single fuck about that stat either.  At least one of these not-so-notable picks will end up being an All-Pro one day.  We all know it.

Tampa Bay (First pick: Vernon Hargreaves, Other Notable Picks: Noah Spence, Roberto Aguayo) – The Bucs are getting a lot of shit for picking Aguayo in the second round.  Thing is the guy is cash money.  One of the best kickers of the past decade in college football.  However, it was the second round when he would have been available in the fifth I’m sure.  That and also picking a fullback means the Bucs land here.

2 Mel Kipers (Why did you show up again?)

Tennessee (First pick: Jack Conklin, Other Notable Picks: Kalan Reed) – When Mr. Irrelevant could be your best pick of the draft, you might have a problem.  I kind of wished the Titans kept trading and ended up with 20+ picks in next year’s draft.

Atlanta (First pick: Keanu Neal, Other Notable Pick: Deion Jones) – Their first pick was named Keanu and he wasn’t a white guy actor without facial expressions at all times.  I was disappointed.  I was also disappointed in the Falcons draft class.  Pretty crappy.

San Francisco (First pick: DeForest Buckner, Other Notable Picks: None) – If they hadn’t picked Buckner (who may have been one of the best two or three picks of the entire draft) then I might have put the Niners on the bottom.  You’d have though Jim Tomsula was still there acting like he had no idea what was going on.  But no, it was Chip Kelly.  So, close enough?

Cleveland (First pick: Corey Coleman, Other Notable Picks: Shon Coleman, Scooby Wright III) – So the Browns had like a thousand picks and could only get two good ones.  They missed on two better receivers early on and it just got worse from there.  But it is the Browns so I kind of expected it.

1 Mel Kiper (Complete and utter shitshow)

Kansas City (First pick: Chris Jones, Other Notable Picks: None) – Jones was a good pick and he looked very excited to become a Chief, even if Andy Reid is his coach.  But when Kevin Hogan is arguably your best pick after that, you should have just traded all your picks Ditka style and tried to get the top three picks next season.

Carolina (First pick: Vernon Butler, Other Notable Picks: None) – It’s like the Panthers weren’t even there.  No one notable picked, not even Butler really.  Just sad for Riverboat Ron.

Philadelphia (First pick: Carson Wentz, Other Notable Picks: None) – Hopefully Wentz doesn’t end up being the Ryan Leaf to Jared Goff’s Peyton Manning.  The rest of their picks were mediocre to fucking awful.  They have definitely shored up their special teams and practice squad needs though.

Detroit (First pick: Taylor Decker, Other Notable Picks: None) – The Lions were the dirt fucking worst of this draft.  That doesn’t bode well for a team that’s almost as sad as the Browns have been (historically).  Three of their final four picks are three of the absolute worst from the draft.  Drafting Jake Rudock at all is ridiculous with Vernon Adams on the board and I could see Dwayne Washington not even making the practice squad (and struggling to find an arena football or CFL gig).  Brutal.

So there you go.  Draft synopsis done.  It was actually more exciting than it had any right to be.  That has to bode well for the NFL (and college football really).  Any publicity is good publicity I guess.

Next up in the next couple months is the biggest games of the college football season, the start of the conference previews, predicted cable schedules, and perhaps a random post or two.  We are inching closer to the start of the college and NFL seasons people!