College Football · NFL

How Did I Do? – 2016 NFL Draft Edition


Yeah that pretty much sums it up.  My final mock draft wasn’t even close on almost every pick.  To be honest, I am sure I didn’t get even one right.  Pretty sad.  Then again, almost everyone’s mock drafts blew up before the draft even began thanks to some Laremy Tunsil shenanigans.

That one picture made day one of the draft this year the goofiest, craziest draft day ever.  I do feel for Laremy somewhat.  Who knows how long ago that pic was taken and the fact his Twitter account (along with his Instagram account later on) was hacked is no laughing matter.  Sounds like a former financial advisor of his is the guilty party here (probably a guy who was cut out right before Mister Tunsil was ready to make some serious cash).  Saying all that, why do people in all walks of life continue to have pictures and videos that could potentially be harmful to them or others?  We are in an era where people love to overshare and get burned by it or they forget to delete that incriminating video or dick pic or naked selfie.  They make their lives (usually) much more stressful than they have to be with this shit.

A few notes before we get started with the team rankings:

  • Great on the Cowboys picking Jaylon Smith on day two. The guy won’t be playing the entire 2016 season but the hope is he will be a force in 2017.  If he gets healthy this might be one of the steals of the decade as every other team seemed scared to take him.
  • Hats off also to the Ravens for picking local boy (somewhat) Keenan Reynolds. Getting athletes that can play a few different positions (he’s a quarterback that was drafted as a wide receiver) is smart for any team.  If used properly he could be a huge part of Baltimore’s offense for years to come.
  • Finally, a great pick by Minnesota in the sixth round. Moritz Boehringer, a wide receiver selected straight outta Germany, started playing football after watching videos of Adrian Peterson.  A few years later the Vikings make his dreams come true by drafting him.  Thing is he could be quite the draftee.  Runs a sub-4.5 40 and is a big target.  Give him a year on the practice squad and then watch out since he’s a raw talent if there ever was one.

Alright enough draft overview.  Now on to team ratings.  I will go over first round picks, any other great picks, and maybe some bad picks or early round stretches.  This will be done on the Mel Kiper Ocho Scale.  Before I begin I have to say ESPN’s coverage was mediocre at best.  Not bad, just nothing special.  Kiper was fine (although he looks like he’s staring into the sun when he’s on camera).  Berman was his usual annoying, idiotic self with nothing to add to the telecast.  What surprised me was Jon Gruden just being a nobody most of the night.  Maybe he’s still upset with Tirico leaving the four-letter network.  Alright here we go!

8 Mel Kipers (You dun good!)

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Jacksonville (First pick: Jalen Ramsey, Other Notable Picks: Myles Jack, Yannick Ngakoue, Tyrone Holmes) – I would say the winner of the draft was the Jacksonville Jaguars.  Unfortunately for me, Colin Cowherd also said the same thing.  I don’t like agreeing with the man but in this case he is right.  The pick of Myles Jack alone puts them in the top tier.  Getting Ramsey when they got him was great value.  No real bad picks at all.  A great draft.

Cincinnati (First pick: William Jackson, Other Notable Picks: Nick Vigil, Andrew Billings, Christian Westerman) – Getting Jackson was a pretty good pick but he was expected to be picked around there.  Getting Billings where they got him was huge as I (along with many others) had him as a day two pick.  Just like the Jaguars, the Bengals had no bad picks.

Baltimore (First pick: Ronnie Stanley, Other Notable Picks: Bronson Kaufusi, Kenneth Dixon, Keenan Reynolds, Maurice Canady) – A great three days for the Ravens.  I touched on Reynolds on how that was a good (yet shrewd) pick.  Getting Canady as low as he did was a steal as one of my mocks had him as a second rounder.

Houston (First pick: Will Fuller, Other Notable Picks: Braxton Miller, K.J. Dillon) – A solid draft but not spectacular.  The picks of Miller and Dillon are exceptional with no real weak spots.

7 Mel Kipers (Hey, good stuff!)

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Pittsburgh (First pick: Artie Burns, Other Notable Picks: Sean Davis, Javon Hargrave, Tyler Matakevich) – Despite the fact they may have had one of the biggest stretches of the first round, picking Artie Burns who probably would have been there during their second round selection, they made up for it with pretty good picks the rest of the way, highlighted by Matakevich late.

Chicago (First pick: Leonard Floyd, Other Notable Picks: Cody Whitehair, Jonathan Bullard) – Floyd was a good pick and fits perfectly with what the Bears needed.  The Bears and linebackers go together like peanut butter and jelly (supposedly).  No bad picks but nothing spectacular afterwards.

Los Angeles (First pick: Jared Goff, Other Notable Picks: Tyler Higbee, Pharoh Cooper) – Goff was an easy choice and now the Rams have their franchise quarterback (sorry Nick Foles).  Cooper in the fourth round was a steal and I think Higbee could be a great weapon for Goff.

Indianapolis (First pick: Ryan Kelly, Other Notable Picks: Le’Raven Clark, Hassan Ridgeway, Austin Blythe) – To say the Colts went out of their way to find protection for Andrew Luck is a VAST understatement.  The rest of the AFC South better watch out if this new O-line including Kelly and Clark protects Luck the way they could.

6 Mel Kipers (Still doing well)

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Green Bay (First pick: Kenny Clark, Other Notable Picks: Jason Spriggs, Kyler Fackrell) – Clark and Spriggs alone put the Packers at least at the 5 Kiper level.  No bad picks and Kenny Clark was a decent first rounder.

Washington (First pick: Josh Doctson, Other Notable Picks: Su’a Cravens, Kendall Fuller) – Doctson, in my opinion, is better than Will Fuller who was drafted in the slot before him.  I’m sure Kirk Cousins likes that pick (YOU LIKE THAT?).  Kendall Fuller was also a great pick as I had him late first round/early second round for most of my mocks.

San Diego (First pick: Joey Bosa, Other Notable Picks: Hunter Henry, Joshua Perry) – Bosa was a fantastic pick at three.  The Chargers, in their lame duck San Diego season, will give their fans a treat…before they fuck off for LA.

Miami (First pick: Laremy Tunsil, Other Notable Picks: Xavien Howard, Kenyan Drake, Jakeem Grant) – Miami obviously has some balls to pick Tunsil.  Either that or they realize he was a college student (and therefore, prone to make stupid mistakes) and that he probably isn’t Ricky Williams.  Drake was overshadowed by Derrick Henry but is a definite talent in the backfield.

5 Mel Kipers (OK, you’re not doing too badly)

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Minnesota (First pick: Laquon Treadwell, Other Notable Picks: Mackensie Alexander, Kentrell Brothers, Moritz Boehringer) – I touched on Boehringer earlier.  I think Treadwell was the best WR in the draft and if he and MoBo team with AP and Teddy Ballgame, the Vikings could be the team to beat in the NFC North, if not the entire NFC…in 2017.

NY Giants (First pick: Eli Apple, Other Notable Picks: Sterling Shepard, B.J. Goodson, Paul Perkins) – Apple was a huge stretch in the first round.  Besides that, WHO WILL COOK FOR HIM?  Shepard and Perkins are underrated picks for the offense and should work well in the Big Apple (more so than the Eli Apple).

NY Jets (First pick: Darron Lee, Other Notable Pick: Christian Hackenberg) – A pretty average draft for the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS.  It will be interesting to see what Hackenberg can do with an offensive line that isn’t basically cardboard cutouts of fat guys.

Oakland (First pick: Karl Joseph, Other Notable Picks: Shilique Calhoun, Vadal Alexander) – Calhoun as late as he was picked was a steal.  I’m not totally sold on Karl Joseph but I will say it was still a good pick.  How will these guys feel about playing in the Vegas heat though?

4 Mel Kipers (Alright now things aren’t looking so swell)

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Buffalo (First pick: Shaq Lawson, Other Notable Picks: Reggie Ragland, Cardale Jones) – You could say the Bills had an OK draft.  The Bills Mafia may put you through a table for your troubles though.  Lawson and Ragland were good, not great, picks.  Jones could end up being a great player but I wouldn’t piss off Tyrod Taylor too much more or otherwise they will have to find out how good Cardale is now (which probably is not that great).

New Orleans (First pick: Sheldon Rankins, Other Notable Pick: Michael Thomas) – Rankins was a pretty good pick for the Saints.  Honestly, I put the Saints here because they didn’t have more picks to fuck things up since it kept getting worse for them as the draft went on.

Arizona (First pick: Robert Nkemdiche, Other Notable Pick: Evan Boehm) – What was it with Ole Miss?  I can see a big fat probation for the Rebs this season.  Too bad since the players were all drafted lower than they should have been.  Nkemdiche was no exception.  Other than him and Boehm though, the Cards had a sub-par draft.

Seattle (First pick: Germain Ifedi, Other Notable Picks: Jarran Reed, C.J. Prosise) – I honestly think Prosise was a fantastic pick for the Seahawks.  Reed was also picked later than I thought he would go.  Other than that, a lot of meh for the Seahawks.

3 Mel Kipers (Things are going downhill)


Denver (First pick: Paxton Lynch, Other Notable Pick: Devontae Booker) – Lynch will be the quarterback of the future in the Mile High City and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be the best QB in this draft.  Booker was a solid pick (Denver and running backs…huh, who would have thought?).  But picking a fullback AND a punter in the same draft?  For shame Elway.

Dallas (First pick: Ezekiel Elliott, Other Notable Picks: Jaylon Smith, Dak Prescott) – Elliott was probably selected too high but there was no guarantee he’d be there for the Cowboys second pick.  Dallas’ pick of Smith was a nice touch and possibly the smartest move of the draft.  Dak could be sneaky good but the rest of the picks weren’t good at all with Darius Jackson and Rico Gathers back-to-back late being some of the worst in the entire draft.

New England (First pick: Cyrus Jones, Other Notable Pick: Joe Thuney) – The Patriots almost always end near the bottom of these team rankings.  I don’t think Belichick gives a single fuck about that stat either.  At least one of these not-so-notable picks will end up being an All-Pro one day.  We all know it.

Tampa Bay (First pick: Vernon Hargreaves, Other Notable Picks: Noah Spence, Roberto Aguayo) – The Bucs are getting a lot of shit for picking Aguayo in the second round.  Thing is the guy is cash money.  One of the best kickers of the past decade in college football.  However, it was the second round when he would have been available in the fifth I’m sure.  That and also picking a fullback means the Bucs land here.

2 Mel Kipers (Why did you show up again?)


Tennessee (First pick: Jack Conklin, Other Notable Picks: Kalan Reed) – When Mr. Irrelevant could be your best pick of the draft, you might have a problem.  I kind of wished the Titans kept trading and ended up with 20+ picks in next year’s draft.

Atlanta (First pick: Keanu Neal, Other Notable Pick: Deion Jones) – Their first pick was named Keanu and he wasn’t a white guy actor without facial expressions at all times.  I was disappointed.  I was also disappointed in the Falcons draft class.  Pretty crappy.

San Francisco (First pick: DeForest Buckner, Other Notable Picks: None) – If they hadn’t picked Buckner (who may have been one of the best two or three picks of the entire draft) then I might have put the Niners on the bottom.  You’d have though Jim Tomsula was still there acting like he had no idea what was going on.  But no, it was Chip Kelly.  So, close enough?

Cleveland (First pick: Corey Coleman, Other Notable Picks: Shon Coleman, Scooby Wright III) – So the Browns had like a thousand picks and could only get two good ones.  They missed on two better receivers early on and it just got worse from there.  But it is the Browns so I kind of expected it.

1 Mel Kiper (Complete and utter shitshow)


Kansas City (First pick: Chris Jones, Other Notable Picks: None) – Jones was a good pick and he looked very excited to become a Chief, even if Andy Reid is his coach.  But when Kevin Hogan is arguably your best pick after that, you should have just traded all your picks Ditka style and tried to get the top three picks next season.

Carolina (First pick: Vernon Butler, Other Notable Picks: None) – It’s like the Panthers weren’t even there.  No one notable picked, not even Butler really.  Just sad for Riverboat Ron.

Philadelphia (First pick: Carson Wentz, Other Notable Picks: None) – Hopefully Wentz doesn’t end up being the Ryan Leaf to Jared Goff’s Peyton Manning.  The rest of their picks were mediocre to fucking awful.  They have definitely shored up their special teams and practice squad needs though.

Detroit (First pick: Taylor Decker, Other Notable Picks: None) – The Lions were the dirt fucking worst of this draft.  That doesn’t bode well for a team that’s almost as sad as the Browns have been (historically).  Three of their final four picks are three of the absolute worst from the draft.  Drafting Jake Rudock at all is ridiculous with Vernon Adams on the board and I could see Dwayne Washington not even making the practice squad (and struggling to find an arena football or CFL gig).  Brutal.

So there you go.  Draft synopsis done.  It was actually more exciting than it had any right to be.  That has to bode well for the NFL (and college football really).  Any publicity is good publicity I guess.

Next up in the next couple months is the biggest games of the college football season, the start of the conference previews, predicted cable schedules, and perhaps a random post or two.  We are inching closer to the start of the college and NFL seasons people!


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