College Football

Week 6 College Football Recap – Sponsored by Whatever the Fuck Rutgers was thinking


Look. College football is rife with plays that defy logic and coaching decisions that are baffling. However, what happened Saturday night in Piscataway was one of the dumbest coaching decisions I have ever heard of. And make no mistake about it. It was a coaching decision. The dumbest quarterback on the planet wouldn’t have done that. If you missed it, Rutgers is moving down the field with very little time left. They get to midfield down 7. They try a run on 3rd down and don’t quite get the first down. So they run back to the line since there was almost no time left (about 7 seconds I believe). What does the QB do? He runs up, gets the snap and spikes the ball…on fourth down. Ballgame. Michigan State survives. It’s amazing how fall Rutgers has fallen. Last year they had to be considered a first-year Big Ten success story. This year? 1980s SMU might have been better run.

The rest of this recappin thing

OK so it wasn’t an airport parking lot. But Sark has gone dark. Meaning he’s been shitcanned. It was announced Monday. I don’t think USC is THAT bad but what they showed Thursday night has to be a bit discouraging. This team has no fire and a lot of times that falls squarely in the lap of the head coach. So now another team has to look for a new head coach. Oh wait, I should say teams. With an s.

He should have done a mic drop and said “Randy out” as well. Eventually Maryland was beaten by tOSU. We all knew the Buckeyes would pull away at some point. The fun part was what would happen to Mr. Edsall. There were rumours floating around he would be let go at the end of the season. At the post-game presser he got pissed off at the first question asked of him and then left. Now instead of the end of the season, it sounds like he has been flat-out fired. Maybe they can trade him to Rutgers for Kyle Flood.

PJ Fleck needs to row an actual boat to bring his team out. Or a battleship. Either way. Own that motto!

Is it basketball season yet? God, Kansas is awful. Luckily for them they have one of the best basketball programs ever. Otherwise the Big XII, despite all their problems, would have kicked their sorry asses out. Even Iowa State loves having them on the football schedule every year.

Quietly, Penn State has snuck into the Big Ten East race. Too bad there is almost no chance they win the division. But they are playing some decent football. Good enough to win but poorly enough to think it might all collapse. Either way, Hingle McCringleberry was a great site at Happy Valley this weekend.

Army should be allowed to wear camouflage. It’s their only chance to be competitive in FBS.

Charlie. Fucking. Strong. That is all. The Longhorns players still believe in the guy. And of course the Red River Rivalry, the most insane of rivalry games, played out like up was down and left was right. For the most part, Texas dominated. Oklahoma somehow kept it close but it never felt like it was ever in doubt. Strong’s job is saved and Big Game Bob is now only OK Game Bob.

Ho hum, Ole Miss put up another shit-ton of points. Does it feel like the Rebels play more so-called cupcakes than any other SEC team?

Is Mike London next? It looks like firing your coach during the season has become the cool thing to do. Will Virginia be next to do so? Yes I believe so although we will be waiting at least another few weeks before that happens. Once they clinch another year of no bowls, that should make the decision easy.

Iowa? IOWA? Yes, the Hawkeyes are on top of the Big Ten West. The way things are going, we will get Iowa facing Michigan in the Big Ten Championship and the ratings will be through the fucking roof.

Temple. Undefeated. Seriously. As of right now, it looks like we are heading head long into Temple hosting Notre Dame at the Linc with the Irish in the top 10 and Temple, undefeated and in the top 20. Would be the biggest game in Owls history by a long shot. Maybe even an ABC Saturday Night game. With TEMPLE in it? Yes 2015 has made it two straight years of complete insanity in college football.

When is Marcus Allen going to get off that cart and beat the holy hell out of Larry Culpepper? Just asking.

What a great bunch of things done by LSU for South Carolina. What LSU did for that team is amazing. With money going back to the state to help flood victims it was just a great feeling down in the ol’ heart. Too bad they still had to play the game. Leonard Fournette continues his Heisman campaign and the Gamecocks look like the worst team in the SEC. Yes, even worse than Vanderbilt.

Of course with all the craziness of moved games, we didn’t get Georgia Tech-Clemson in this area. To be honest, I don’t care. It was a blowout and just proved that Clemson is one win away over Florida State from having an easy road to the ACC Championship.

#PrayForChubb. That was a brutal injury. Luckily it wasn’t an ACL but still bad. I won’t be surprised if we don’t see Nick Chubb again this season. My question is why CBS felt the need to show it on replay over and over and over and over and over and over, etc. Was it so Verne would remember what happened? Speaking of the rest of the game, the Vols played their hearts out and the Dawgs just didn’t have it in them. All this means is that fucking Missouri might still have a chance to win the SEC East somehow.

University of Complete Futility. Someone tweeted this and I thought it was so spot on. It’s time George O’Leary fired himself and played athletic director for a while. Who knows who would take that job but there is only one way to go and that’s up. That might be the only hook they have to hire someone decent.

Three straight shutouts? It’s HARBAUGHLL! Yes, I said Michigan wouldn’t shut Northwestern out. I feel like an idiot now. This team is good. Hell, even Jake Rudock is playing really well. Jim Harbaugh has turned this around very quickly. Next week’s Battle for Michigan will be huge!

And the Dumpster Fire Bowl went down to the wire. I wanted to pour acid in my eyes after watching Wake Forest and Boston College. I would love staggered start times. I think it would be great for college football. Problem is, every so often, you would get a game like this. A complete shitshow. It was awful football at its worst. And of course, it ended with Boston College looking like they failed at the Les Miles School of Clock Management. It was painful but gripping at the same time. Damn you college football!!!

Notre Dame keeps plodding along. Look, there is still a good chance this team ends up in the New Year’s Six. The schedule is in their favour and other than three quarters against Clemson, they have looked good. DeShone Kizer has grown into the QB role and Will Fuller is looking like a first-round NFL draft pick. We haven’t seen a Brian Kelly explosion yet (which are fun to watch) but that’s a good thing for the Irish faithful.

Somewhere Bo Pelini is laughing…if his face allows that. Speaking of painful, that perfectly describes Nebraska’s season. They have made losing at the end into an art form. Again, they had Wisconsin on the ropes and couldn’t close them out. Then Chico Burrito makes the winning kick and Mike Riley wants to find a corn field to hide in.

ConFLiCT? Really. This is why Boston College hates you UConn. Or at least that should be part of it.

The final score was WHAT? North Texas lost 66-7 to Portland State. Sixty-six. To seven. Good god. I wouldn’t have just fired Dan McCarney. I would have fired the entire staff and probably shut the team town and looked to see if an FCS conference would take us next season. My lord.

The Twitter backlash started up quick. Leonard Fournette decided he wanted to auction off his jersey and donate the proceeds to the South Carolina flood relief. Immediately, Twitter blew up, thinking the NCAA would say no. At first it looked like they would and Mark Emmert would need beefed up security for the next little while. They finally relented and made it OK to do so. Good for them for showing a bit of humility here and doing the right thing.

Speaking of Mizzou. OK remember what I said about Missouri possibly still having a chance to win the SEC East. I can safely say that probably won’t happen. Florida seems to be legit although now they will have to go the rest of the way without freshman QB Will Grier who was suspended for the season for taking illegal substances. So it WASN’T the flu!!!!!

TCU holds on…again. They can’t make a habit of this. It’s already starting to affect them. They have dropped below Baylor in the polls. One of these days, Boykin will not have a comeback in them and their dream of the CFP will be gone, no matter what Gary Patterson says.

#FireAlGolden. Same hashtag every week. Maybe Mike London will be next but Golden is holding on by a thread of his tie. It’s too bad. If the Canes had won that one game, his job would have been saved for the rest of the season no matter what happened afterwards. Brad Kaaya is getting better with every game but unfortunately when he is at his college best, Al might not be around to reap the benefits.

And somehow, Oklahoma State is still undefeated and Mike Gundy is still a man. He’s a MAN. HE’S FORTY! OK I think he’s like forty-five now. Somehow, the Pokes keep winning. Let’s be honest, that was survival in Morgantown Saturday night. Maybe, just maybe this team will sneak up the middle and give TCU and Baylor fits in the conference race.

Poor Bert. I don’t know what it is but Bret Bielema just doesn’t have it in Arkansas. I think he is regretting his move from Wisconsin…aside from the fat contract and smoking hot wife. They just couldn’t put Bama away and the Tide made them pay (as they always do). Now we just wait for around American Thanksgiving time when we are discussing whether Alabama should be in the College Football Playoff because we all know that is what will happen.

They hassled the Goff. At this point I was wearing down. Then someone pointed out the Presidents Cup was live at that point and I felt even more exhausted. It was a fun game to watch though thankfully. Otherwise I would have passed out. And it’s amazing that Jared Goff played so poorly yet somehow Cal had a chance at the end because college football that’s why. Utah is the new chic pick to go to the CFP. One upset loss to like Arizona State will end that I am sure.

Finally we have another Go5 contendah! It’s no longer Boise State or GTFO. If Temple (or Houston or Memphis) run the table through the regular season then they have to get the Group of Five spot in the New Year’s Six. To not would be ridiculous and make the entire exercise of the season useless for anyone not named Boise State.

Oregon Trail uniforms and the Ducks died of dysentery. You can’t make this shit up. No, Oregon didn’t die of dysentery but their Oregon Trail-esque uniforms, combined with the stunning double-overtime loss to Washington State and the tweet sent out by Wazzu afterwards summed up Oregon’s season in one foul swoop. Vernon Adams was not the answer and Mark Helfrich better figure something out soon to right the ship in Eugene.

Time to have a relegation tournament. Enough of this crap. Some teams have been historically bad. I propose a relegation tournament. The four losers drop down to FCS and the FCS semi-finalists move up to FBS. Only fair. We need competition damn it! Anyway, I nominate the following teams to participate:

  • Kansas
  • UTEP
  • Wyoming
  • Idaho
  • New Mexico State
  • North Texas
  • UCF
  • Eastern Michigan

Pair them off however you like and let them have at it. It would be the only feasible way to get fans excited to watch these teams play. Guaranteed North Dakota State would mop the floor with any of these eight teams.

Alright, NFL recap will be tomorrow. Everything delayed because of Thanksgiving. College football schedule coming out Thursday but we have a Tuesday treat! Arkansas State travels to Mobile to play South Alabama tonight and it’s on the specialty packs. We are slowly getting towards football almost every day folks!


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