I’ve done some different scales for this post. In some cases I have done just a straight ranking, other times I have done the Network Scale and of course there is the Uncle Verne scale.
This year I will go slightly different. I am introducing the Play-by-Play Announcer Scale! That’s right, I am going to rank the bowl games going from best play-by-play announcers down to, well, not as good ones let’s say. I mean if you aren’t Mike Goldberg you are at least competent at calling football, right?
So let’s get started. 41 bowl games. 8 tiers. 1 blog post. This sounds like Survivor.
The Jackson/Musburger Tier
Must-see games. No matter what. Even if you are a casual college football fan, you will want to watch these.
Peach Bowl – Georgia vs. Ohio State (Dec. 31, 8:00, TSN2) – There is a reason this game was chosen for primetime and not the other College Football Playoff semi-final. On paper, this is the bowl game of the season and nothing else is really close. Yes, the Buckeyes backed in to the CFP which will make a few fans upset but don’t worry: in two years that won’t make a difference. Georgia does look primed to repeat as national champs but this one will not be easy and it might not end before 2022 ends. My pick: Georgia 40 Ohio State 34.
Fiesta Bowl – Michigan vs. TCU (Dec. 31, 4:00, TSN3) – Normally I would rail against the College Football Playoff semi-final games being on New Year’s Eve but to be honest, I don’t care this year. Not going out for New Year’s so it’s football watching time. I can see many people up here, who are watching TV at least, being split between this and Canada’s World Juniors game against Sweden. How close this is will probably dictate what kind of viewing audience the hockey game gets. Anyway, fingers crossed this is a good one as many think TCU can’t hang with the Wolverines. To be honest, as much as I would love to see the Horned Frogs pull this out, I can’t see it happening. My pick: Michigan 39 TCU 21.
Rose Bowl – Penn State vs. Utah (Jan. 2, 5:00, TSN2) – I always wish the Rose Bowl would go back to ABC. It just feels like it belongs there. The Nittany Lions come in here exactly where pretty much everyone thought they would be. Losses to Michigan and Ohio State and relatively mundane victories over everyone else. Utah is probably the hotter team coming in, coming off their Pac-12 Championship win over USC. My pick: Utah 35 Penn State 30.
Orange Bowl – Clemson vs. Tennessee (Dec. 30, 7:30, TSN2) – This bowl is orange. ORANGE bowl. ORANGE tigers. ORANGE volunteers. ORANGE everything! Let’s just hope both teams don’t figure they should be wearing orange uniforms. This might end up being the most competitive of the New Year’s Six bowl games. This might have been the top New Year’s Six game if not the top bowl game period (seriously) but without Hendon Hooker, it won’t be the case. My pick: Clemson 27 Tennessee 24.
Alamo Bowl – Texas vs. Washington (Dec. 29, 9:00, specialty pack) – It felt like these two teams had good chances to be involved in conference championship weekend. Alas, they both came up short in odd circumstances (especially in hindsight) so they land here in San Antonio. The Alamo Bowl is usually one of the top non-CFP, non-NY6 bowl games and this one is no exception. There should be a LOT of points with Quinn Ewers and Michael Penix Jr. chucking the ball over the field indoors. Take the over. My pick: Washington 48 Texas 40.
The Lundquist/Nessler Tier
These are still big although these guys were hampered by some, uh, questionable analysts *COUGH*Gary Danielson*COUGH*
Cotton Bowl – USC vs. Tulane (Jan. 2, 1:00, TSN2) – Some may call this the worst of the New Year’s Six games. I disagree. It could end up being a fun one especially if USC tackles like they did in the Pac-12 Championship. A lot will ride on if Caleb Williams is 100% or not because if he isn’t, the Green Wave could pull off the biggest victory in the long history of that program. My pick: USC 44 Tulane 31.
Holiday Bowl – North Carolina vs. Oregon (Dec. 28, 8:00, FOX) – If you watch this game for one thing, it should be the quarterbacks. Oregon’s Bo Nix is confirmed to be ready to go and Drake Maye will be there as well and hopefully not playing like he did in the ACC Championship (which was easily his worst game of the season). My pick: Oregon 38 North Carolina 25.
Sugar Bowl – Alabama vs. Kansas State (Dec. 31, Noon, TSN3) – This is gonna feel REAL odd to see the Sugar Bowl on at Noon on New Year’s Eve. Let’s consider this the lesser of the New Year’s Six games. Still good but it’s a wonder whether one of the teams will show up. The Wildcats certainly will be ready to go but will Bama be ready for this one? I could see several Bama players opting out or entering the transfer portal or just not caring. Also, Nick Saban is either going to seriously pissed off and motivating his players like crazy or barely wanting to be there himself. My pick: Kansas State 31 Alabama 28.
Cure Bowl – UTSA vs. Troy (Dec. 16, 3:00, TSN1) – EASILY the best pre-Christmas bowl game. And it is played on a Friday afternoon. Ugh. Surprisingly, this is the only bowl game that features two conference champions. And it’s a bit of a classic offense vs. defense matchup as the Roadrunners, who definitely live up to their name, take their high-octane offense to Orlando to face the all-time leader in tackles in FBS in Carlton Martial. Should be a good one. My pick: UTSA 33 Troy 26.
Gator Bowl – South Carolina vs. Notre Dame (Dec. 30, 3:30, TSN2) – The Gamecocks had, arguably, the two biggest season-changing wins this season, destroying Tennessee and eeking out a victory against Clemson. These two games changed the College Football Playoff and New Year’s Six for sure. As for the Irish, things looked bleak but Marcus Freeman has turned things around and are trying to finish his first season with a big bowl win. My pick: Notre Dame 28 South Carolina 17.
The Fowler/McDonough Tier
You know, at the very least, that a game called by either of these two will be a great one…on paper. No guarantees otherwise.
ReliaQuest Bowl – Mississippi State vs. Illinois (Jan. 2, Noon, specialty pack) – The Outback Bowl is history. Honestly I went once and it was pretty overrated (except for the Bloomin’ Onion which was fantastic). Now it’s sponsored by ReliaQuest which is supposedly a cybersecurity company. Fun. My pick: Illinois 27 Mississippi State 19.
Citrus Bowl – LSU vs. Purdue (Jan. 2, 1:00, ABC/TSN3) – The first game on ABC on this list. How sad. I guess this a nice consolation for getting boatraced in a conference championship game as both of these teams were. Let’s see which team is hungrier and wants to create some momentum going into the offseason. My pick: Purdue 39 LSU 36 (OT)
Texas Bowl – Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech (Dec. 28, 9:00, TSN3) – Do not, and I repeat, do not go grab a snack or a drink unless you are sure it’s a commercial break. These two teams will light up the scoreboard. I can see this game not ending until after 1 in the morning. My pick: Ole Miss 51 Texas Tech 42.
LA Bowl – Washington State vs. Fresno State (Dec. 17, 3:30, ABC/TSN3) – This could be another game where you should probably take the over. At the very least, Jake Haener should light the Wazzu defense up. Whether the Cougs can do what the Cougs usually do (throw the ball about 2,000 times a game) is up for debate. My pick: Fresno State 49 Washington State 28.
Sun Bowl – Pittsburgh vs. UCLA (Dec. 30, Noon, CBS) – If it wasn’t for Pitt actually turning things around late in the season, I would have had the Bruins winning this one in a cakewalk. My pick: UCLA 35 Pittsburgh 29.
The Franklin/Enberg Tier
Two old-school announcers who might actually be underrated. It was always good to hear their voice though.
Cheez-It Bowl – Oklahoma vs. Florida State (Dec. 29, 5:30, specialty pack) – This game is at the top of the list if it’s 1987. Now? Not so much. I mean at least the Noles are holding up their end of the bargain. The Sooners? That’s a different story. My pick: Florida State 40 Oklahoma 30.
Las Vegas Bowl – Florida vs. Oregon State (Dec. 17, 2:15, TSN2) – Thanks to the Raiders being terrible, this game was moved back from their ABC primetime slot to a mid-afternoon slot on ESPN. Ugh. I think the Beavers deserved better. This could be a 10-win season for a team that almost never hits that plateau. And with Anthony Richardson opting out of this one, it won’t be pretty. My pick: Oregon State 36 Florida 10.
Military Bowl – Duke vs. UCF (Dec. 28, 2:00, TSN3) – This game may be overlooked by many and it shouldn’t be. I mean the timeslot doesn’t help but I could see this being a good game. A really good Group of Five team up against a much-improved Power Five team. It’s kind of what bowl season is partially about. My pick: Duke 31 UCF 27.
Duke’s Mayo Bowl – Maryland vs. NC State (Dec. 30, Noon, TSN2) – It’s always fun when you know the winning coach gets a big vat of mayo dumped on them at the end. This also being a matchup of former ACC foes gives this at least a bit of intrigue. My pick: Maryland 41 NC State 38 (OT).
Fenway Bowl – Louisville vs. Cincinnati (Dec. 17, 11:00 AM, TSN2) – This would have been well down the list if it weren’t for the fact that Scott Satterfield just left Louisville to become the new head coach at Cincinnati. He should try and coach both teams. I would definitely love to see that. My pick: Louisville 29 Cincinnati 21.
The GUS/TESSITORE Tier
MY GOD! DID YOU JUST…..SEE………THAT THREE-YARD RUN! FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC. Lots of enthusiasm for this tier from two guys who get enthusiastic for a touchback.
Armed Forces Bowl – Baylor vs. Air Force (Dec. 22, 7:30, TSN2) – Other than the Bears nearly beating TCU they did nothing of note this season. A big downgrade from the previous season. The academy is actually winning games because of their defense. So a great defense against a coach who is known for great defenses. Choose the under. My pick: Air Force 24 Baylor 20.
Liberty Bowl – Arkansas vs. Kansas (Dec. 28, 5:30, TSN3) – The Jayhawks were the feel-good story through the end of October this season. Unfortunately they are not playing very good football lately. Arkansas on the other hand…well, they’ve been no more than mediocre all season but they have the talent to put up points especially if they get the running game going. My pick: Arkansas 26 Kansas 21.
Music City Bowl – Kentucky vs Iowa (Dec. 31, Noon, ABC/TSN2) – Thankfully for all of us there is another bowl game on at the same time. This could end up being a yawner. You would have to be a moron to pick the over here. My pick: Kentucky 14 Iowa 10.
Pinstripe Bowl – Minnesota vs. Syracuse (Dec. 29, 2:00, TSN1) – The Cuse is back in the Bronx and I remember the last time they were here. A fabulous FOOTBAW WEATHER game against Kansas State. I hope the weather is shit for this one. Sorry to all the players and coaches and fans. My pick: Minnesota 29 Syracuse 17.
Gasparilla Bowl – Missouri vs. Wake Forest (Dec. 23, 6:30, specialty pack) – Still wish this was sponsored by Bad Boy Mowers. That was fun. This should be the swansong for Sam Hartman so expect the Deacs to throw the ball over the field. I can’t see Mizzou stopping them, plus they have already lost a few players to the transfer portal. My pick: Wake Forest 36 Missouri 14.
The Jones/Criqui Tier
Ah remember when these two would call a game on NBC? It was either a great bowl game or perhaps even a Notre Dame game when they started on NBC. Those were the days. They don’t quite measure up to the ones above them but are still great play-by-play guys.
New Mexico Bowl – BYU vs. SMU (Dec. 17, 7:30, ABC/TSN3) – And we start this section with a rematch of the 1980 Holiday Bowl that had an absolutely insane ending (look it up if you haven’t seen it before). I could see another shootout here, especially from SMU since they did put up 77 on a pretty good Houston team. My pick: SMU 39 BYU 34.
New Orleans Bowl – South Alabama vs. WKU (Dec. 21, 9:00, specialty pack) – This used to be the game where the Sun Belt and Conference USA champs went. Not anymore. At least we have two programs on the rise, especially South Alabama who is looking for their first 11-win season. My pick: South Alabama 38 WKU 16.
Birmingham Bowl – Coastal Carolina vs. East Carolina (Dec. 27, 6:45, TSN2) – Let’s call it the Battle for Lesser Carolina since the five ACC Carolina schools (as well as South Carolina) would have a fit if I called it the Battle for the Carolinas. If Grayson McCall plays this could be one of the best bowls of the season. We know Holton Ahlers will throw the ball about 50 times so there will be no shortage of offense. I’m going out on a limb and saying McCall will be ready. My pick: Coastal Carolina 49 East Carolina 47.
Guaranteed Rate Bowl – Wisconsin vs. Oklahoma State (Dec. 27, 10:15, TSN2) – Wisky comes in with no head coach as Luke Fickell won’t start with the team until after the bowl game. The Pokes definitely have a head coach and Captain Mullet watched his quarterback and the Badgers’ QB head to the transfer portal. It should be close but might not have as many points as the previous game on this list. And by might not, I mean definitely won’t. My pick: Wisconsin 28 Oklahoma State 23.
Arizona Bowl – Wyoming vs. Ohio (Dec. 30, 4:30, Barstool Sports) – The only bowl game you can’t get here. Hell, there may not even be an illegal stream for this one. Ohio has to be disappointed that they came pretty close to winning their first conference title in over five decades. I can see them coming in here wanting to prove a point. My pick: Ohio 32 Wyoming 21.
The Patrick/Hammond Tier
Here’s some 90s guys for you. They weren’t the greatest but they were pretty good and you knew their voices. They just tended to fuck up every so often…Patrick more than Hammond because Hammond only had to cover Notre Dame and whatever team Notre Dame was playing that weekend.
Boca Raton Bowl – Toledo vs. Liberty (Dec. 20, 7:30, TSN2) – Hey, the Rockets won the MAC and the Flames started 8-1 so it’s not like we have two teams who crawled into bowl season. Neither team scores much and both have had their embarrassing losses so maybe it’s time for some players to impress their coach, right? My pick: Toledo 34 Liberty 33.
Myrtle Beach Bowl – UConn vs. Marshall (Dec. 19, 2:30, TSN1) – Sorry for Marshall fans but no one gives a fuck that your team is in this bowl. It’s all about UConn. An unreal turnaround by Jim Mora Jr. and the Huskies as this team improbably going bowling on the teal turf on the South Carolina coast. Now watch the Herd destroy the fun. My pick: Marshall 35 UConn 17.
Independence Bowl – Houston vs. Louisiana (Dec. 23, 3:00, TSN2) – This feels like the death spot in the bowl schedule. Pre-Christmas, Christmas Eve Eve if you will. In the afternoon. Ugh. Also you have two up-and-down teams that really don’t have a calling card. I’ll watch it but if it gets to be out of hand in the second half, there’s no guarantees I will keep it on. My pick: Houston 32 Louisiana 14.
Idaho Potato Bowl – San Jose State vs. Eastern Michigan (Dec. 20, 3:30, TSN2) – Many fans will pull for the Spartans considering the tragedy that happened late in the season. Don’t forget there’s another team in Boise for this game, though. The Eagles have quietly gone to five bowl games since Chris Creighton took over in a stunning turnaround for a once terrible program. I still wish this game was played at night so it could be icy cold and the field may or may not turn into an ice rink. My pick: San Jose State 24 Eastern Michigan 20.
Frisco Bowl – North Texas vs. Boise State (Dec. 17, 9:15, TSN2) – Almost a home game for North Texas here. And no this isn’t the legendary Frisco Football Classic that had a one-and-done deal last year. Another classic offense vs. defense matchup as the Mean Green can move the ball but Boise has had their best defense in a long time. I wonder how UNT will be considering they just fired Seth Littrell in a bit of shocking move. My pick: Boise State 27 North Texas 10.
The Ward/Bestwick Tier
OK I lied. Not that there are bowl games that you shouldn’t watch. But that there are announcers that are fucking terrible. These two are arguably the worst ever. I would never turn off a game but I definitely did mute it at times with these two on the call. Brutal.
Hawaii Bowl – Middle Tennessee vs. San Diego State (Dec. 24, 8:00, TSN2) – I love this game. Why? Because it’s the perfect time to get all the stocking stuffers wrapped and in their stockings. This is the first time since 2019 we will see this game and it is at the converted high school in Honolulu that the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors play at. Fun times. My pick: San Diego State 26 Middle Tennessee 21.
First Responder Bowl – Memphis vs. Utah State (Dec. 27, 3:15, TSN2) – Utah State was surprisingly good this season. Memphis did about as expected. Both teams like to move FAST on offense. This one might be over by 5:30. My pick: Memphis 37 Utah State 31.
Bahamas Bowl – UAB vs. Miami-OH (Dec. 16, 11:30 AM, TSN1) – Two teams, playing in front of about 5,000 fans in usually breezy weather near the ocean. Yeah these two programs lucked out wouldn’t you say? I sure would. Better than Shreveport or Boise, at least in terms of the weather. My pick: UAB 34 Miami-OH 13.
Quick Lane Bowl – New Mexico State vs. Bowling Green (Dec. 26, 2:30, TSN3) – The Aggies are back in a bowl game! The drought was only six years this time so it’s not nearly as exciting. The bowl drought was actually longer for the Falcons, at seven years. This is NMSU’s final game as an Independent as they join Conference USA next season. I might be out, playing Free Uber for my kids as they spend their gift cards that day so we shall see how much of this I get to watch. My pick: Bowling Green 21 New Mexico State 20.
Camellia Bowl – Georgia Southern vs. Buffalo (Dec. 27, Noon, TSN2) – Both teams BARELY made it to bowl eligibility. The Eagles beat Appalachian State in double overtime and the Bulls squeaked by Akron in a rescheduled game. The only oddity here is that Georgia Southern is not a running team anymore: they pass the ball almost as much as any team in the land. Feels weird to day. My pick: Georgia Southern 37 Buffalo 28.
LendingTree Bowl – Southern Miss vs. Rice (Dec. 17, 5:45, TSN2) – Alright the worst bowl game of the bunch. A Southern Miss team that doesn’t feel like a bowl eligible team and a Rice team that lead the APR list to get here at 5-7. Ugh. There are other bowls at the same time so unless this is close, I hate to say it, you can probably avoid it. My pick: Southern Miss 35 Rice 10.
Done! All the bowl games ranked and my predictions locked in place. I am going to make another prediction: that my predictions won’t be that great. Enjoy the bowl games everybody!