Haha so funny. Not really. But still. I hear all the time from people who don’t like sports taking potshots at the Super Bowl and being a fan of sports in general. I get it. Not everyone likes sports. That’s fine. It’s starting to become like, well, everything these days. “Oh you like something I don’t? Then you must be a FUCKING LOSER.” It’s tiresome. I like football. A lot. I make no bones about it. And I don’t care if people make fun of me for it. Why? Because if they are it probably means their lives are missing something anyway and they are putting me down because they have nothing to look forward to. Morbid? Sure. And fuck those people anyway.
Look I am not going to do some long drawn-out preview. The NFL Network is in the middle of their 300-hour preview show as it is. The only thing they have shown that was mildly interesting was the Senior Bowl this past Saturday (and it was kind of fun…and bittersweet). Other than that? Nothing of importance really. This preview will not be as good as others. I don’t give a shit. Want a long-ass preview? Go somewhere else. Want something concise and to the point? This will only take a few minutes of your time.
Anyway, the Super Bowl is on NBC. So you can watch it there. It is also on the entire CTV network. Last year it was also on CTV Two and probably 40 other networks as well, but this year, just CTV. UPDATE: So of course now I see that CTV Two and TSN2 are showing the game as well. I don’t quite understand the logic here but oh well. Also, you get to see the U.S. broadcast, not the simsubbed version with the 40 Canadian Tire and 2,000 Tim Horton’s commercials. We will get the American commercials again. Honestly, last year was a disappointment. Don’t know what all the hullabaloo was about. Hopefully this year is better since EVERYONE seems to want the American Super Bowl commercials.
So now my breakdown of the big game. Before that, let me say this: the Patriots’ fanbase is, by and large, an insufferable bunch. There are a few in there that are fine but most likely you are to encounter a Patriots fan who is a dickhead. The worst part is that a lot of those people are not dickheads normally: they are people you would gladly hang out with or date or just be friendly with. But then you talk about football and they become fucking jackholes to the nth degree. It’s a fanbase I hate dealing with. Here’s the issue: fans of the other 31 teams understand this fanbase. We deal with it as best we can and then ignore them otherwise. Eagles fans are a different story altogether though. They can be not the nicest bunch of fans in the world. Their reputation is of a fanbase that you also can’t deal with, but in a much more violent way. And if the Eagles win the Super Bowl, what will it be like? Will we have half a year of hearing them go over the game over and over ad nauseum to the point you just want to strangle them? Quite possibly. This is a tough call here folks. Way tougher than last year when I mostly wanted the Falcons to win since they’re the Falcons and their sad-sack fans needed something to cheer them up (the outcome most definitely did the opposite). And the Pats winning and telling Goodell to eat a big bag of shit didn’t happen either. Frustrating all around.
Alright, let’s break down the game very quickly and go to my pick:
Offense – This is a tough call…..BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just kidding. It’s not even close. Not saying the Eagles have some aspects of their offense that are good but compared to the Patriots this is a no-brainer. Advantage: New England.
Defense – This is where the Eagles shine. They have been lights-out in the playoffs in terms of defense. The Patriots haven’t been bad but other than a couple of times, they have not been known for having a really stingy defense. Advantage: Philadelphia
Special Teams – I’m not going to give an edge to either team. This is fairly close to be honest. Or maybe I just don’t know what I’m talking about. Either way, I don’t care enough to pick one team or the other.
Coaching – Also not even close. With all due respect to Doug Pederson, he (along with most other coaches) can’t hold a candle to Bill Belichick when it comes to coaching. I just wish people would stop with the dumb press conferences he does, calling him a genius. At the podium, he’s a curmudgeonly, old bastard who wants everyone to GET OFF HIS DAMN LAWN! As a coach, brilliant. At that, not so much.
I have to go with the Patriots in this one. Considering every Super Bowl they have won has been close I will say this one will be close…for about three-and-a-half quarters. Then they will pull away a bit in the end. 38-28. I think Tony Romo is safe. I won’t take his job with that piss-poor analysis.
This is it ladies and gentlemen (I am sure it’s mostly gentlemen but I digress). Last football game of the season. Soon enough the XFL will entertain us with its brand of football straight out of the 1950s to bring is out of the Spring doldrums. Shitty helmets and everyone looks like Johnny Unitas, follows the law, eats their Wheeties, doesn’t even get so much as a parking ticket and never gets into trouble at all. So basically Leave it to Beaver. Until then (2020), we will have a long dark period until about early June when the CFL begins so we at least we have some semblance of football to put our eyeballs on. I will fill up this time with more mock drafts (ugh), posts on how my predictions were for both the college and pro game (double ugh) and maybe another post or two on something else (good?). Have a great Super Bowl Sunday and hopefully you eat and drink everything you want and don’t gain a pound or have indigestion. I know I will probably eat shitty and drink shitty and, for that game and that game alone, I do not care.
One final thing: today is Bell Let’s Talk Day. Five cents will be donated to mental health initiatives for every text, tweet, Facebook post, Instagram post, long-distance call and I am sure some other things as well. I think the long-distance calls and texts have to be on Bell phones as an FYI. They raised over $6 million last year with this and I am sure it can get over $7 million. This is near and dear to my heart so I hope you will, if you can, do something to help raise money since mental health funding, medical help, and even understanding is still woefully low in this country.
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