And I’m not talking about the good stuff like barbecue and cornbread and fried chicken. I’m talking more about the weird ones like:
- Grits. I have had polenta before and thought it wasn’t that great. The texture is awful. It sounds like people like to add things to their grits. Maybe if I add a pound of bacon to a bowl of grits it’ll taste alright. Kind of like when you add bacon to poutine it becomes fantastic. Mmmmmmm….bacon.
- Fried green tomatoes. I don’t mind tomatoes if you dice them up on a sandwich or in a wrap. Or some good chunky salsa. And of course, pasta sauce. But fried green tomatoes just seems wrong. Why fry them? It’s like frying bologna. Bologna is bad enough, frying it won’t make it THAT much better.
- Greens. I’ve learned that there are a lot of greens, not just collard greens. Turnip greens, mustard greens, etc. It all looks like cooked poverty spinach. Don’t get me wrong: some nice leafy spinach on a sub is great. But cooked spinach is gross in my opinion. If I wanted cooked veggies there are so many other types out there, why go for that?
- Chitlins. Good fucking lord.
Alright, let’s get to the real reason we are here: the SEC. God’s conference (or so people in the southeast would make you think). I have to admit that over the last decade they have been the premier conference in college football. I will also admit that having access to SEC Network games makes me a bit happier than I would be if I had the Big Ten Network instead (sorry Rogers customers). To be truly honest, I want it all though (including the Pac-12 Network dammit!). But that is probably a pipe dream, especially when discussing anything related to FOX (which has to change now that the Big Ten is going there as well, at least partially).
As for the SEC, how about I just show you my predicted standings, followed by some potential HOT TAKES:
Potential HOT TAKES
- Again we have a clean sweep in the SEC West. All teams being bowl-eligible. It helps when most of those teams go either 4-0 or 3-1 in the non-conference schedule. And it’s not like it’s easy non-conference scheduling. No Baylors in this crowd.
- HOT TAKE #1: Tennessee will not win the SEC East. I have the Vols losing three conference games. You could debate the Florida game and I would totally understand someone taking a different view. But I would be shocked to see them win either of the Georgia or Alabama games, especially since they play the Dawgs Between the Hedges. I do believe they are arguably the most talented team in the SEC East but their schedule does them no favours.
- BLISTERING HAWT TAKE #2: This would piss people off if Bama fans actually read this blog. Alabama will not be in the College Football Playoff. In fact, I think they will lose two games this season, both of them road games meaning they would BARELY get to the New Year’s Six. Again, the argument could be made that the Tide could beat either Ole Miss or LSU but not both. Not a chance. If they do, consider it Evil Saban’s greatest coaching feat ever.
- Mark Stoops is probably a goner if he doesn’t get to six wins this year. So I’m saying he’s gonna be shitcanned.
- I see Georgia having a great season. Correction, I see Nick Chubb having an amazing season and somewhat carrying the Bulldogs on his shoulders. Kirby Smart is going to look like a genius (think Tom Herman) taking his team to the SEC title game where they will lose to…
- An undefeated LSU. This is SCORCHING HAWT TAEK #3! I have this feeling no one will have LSU undefeated this season. After The Miles and the Restless took over Baton Rouge last season, this season will be a welcome site since the drama should be at a minimum. They have the favourable schedule to run the table. Mississippi State, Ole Miss, and Alabama all have to come to Death Valley. The only big road test for the Tigers will be when they travel to the Swamp (or the HBC Field or whatever they call it now). I’m going to look like Einstein if this turns out to happen. If not, we will never speak of it again.
- I do have 12-0 LSU beating 11-1 Georgia in the final SEC Championship at the Georgia Dome. I honestly think they should move the game to the Superdome for a few years. That’s just my opinion though.
We’re coming down to the wire (for my prediction posts at least). Next up is the SEC’s developmentally delayed cousin, the Sun Belt Conference. The season is a little over a month away. And I think I have made the decision not to get CBS Sports Network this season. As much as it adds football games, which is usually good, for $7 a month (for only that one channel) the value just isn’t there. For essentially an extra $18 a month (if you don’t include the college basketball portion of the package), I am getting a ton of better Power Five conference games. I don’t need a bunch of Tier 2 American, Mountain West, and Conference USA games (along with the odd MAC game). I will still put up schedules for CBSSN though just to be fair to people who still get it because that’s the kind of guy I am.
Lastly, before I leave you (from this post), it looks like two things happened over the past 48 hours that may change the college football landscape yet again. First off, the ACC announced that they will have a full ACC Network, like what the SEC, Big Ten, and Pac-12 already have. The actual full network will be ready by 2019 but the digital network starts soon. This is pretty huge news as, on top of that, they have now basically locked up their schools for almost the next two decades. So what this means that the only changes, chances are, will be additions and not losses for the ACC. Notre Dame will have to join the ACC if they decide to stop being independent any time before 2034. Several factors could force the Irish’s hand in this but the biggest thing will be what NBC wants to do once their current contract with Touchdown Jesus comes to an end in at the conclusion of the 2025 season. If they choose to want to expand their college football offering, it could spell the end to Notre Dame’s exclusive hold on NBC’s college football broadcasts and signify major changes for the school.
The other item that occurred is that the Big XII has finally decided that expansion WILL happen now. You can’t tell me that the ACC Network announcement had nothing to do with this. The Big XII is scared. First will be expansion and then it will be conference network talks. That is pretty much a guarantee. So let’s go back to the game that everyone loves (to hate), WHEEL…….OF……CANDIDATES!!!!!!! Let’s go through them, in order of who I believe is the best choice:
- BYU – I don’t believe in almost anything they believe in there. But who gives a shit anyway? Let’s be honest here: they have a great football team and a pretty good basketball team. The whole no games on Sunday thing is overblown. They have a rabid NATIONAL fanbase (which is something at least half the Big XII teams cannot boast). Just invite them and reap the rewards.
- Cincinnati – The other program that seems like almost a shoo-in. The Bearkats have made no bones about the fact they want a seat at the big boys table. With their recent upgrades to Nippert Stadium and the fact their basketball team is almost always good, this seems like a no-brainer.
So far, we have two schools that have overall excellent football AND basketball programs. Now we deviate a bit from that with the rest of the candidates:
- Houston – I think Houston would be way down the list if it wasn’t for the Baylor shitstorm occurring now. Houston is a strong football program and not a weak basketball program. Plus it’s Texas and as much as they say they don’t want to add Texas programs, they love Texas programs.
- UConn – Their basketball team is what keeps them this high on the list. Bob Diaco is salivating at the thought of so many NEW RIVALRY GAMES!!!!
- UCF/USF – I can’t foresee a way that one of these programs is selected but not the other. This would purely be for network reach and recruiting purposes.
- Colorado State – A new stadium has them on the cusp of something bigger. Problem is they might not be a big enough program for the Big XII.
- Boise State – As much as I would like Boise to complete their journey into the Power Five, I can’t see it happening. Their basketball team isn’t that great, their academics aren’t up to par to almost any P5 school, and until they get rid of the smurf turf I can’t see a big-time conference taking them seriously.
- Memphis – They could be anywhere from 4 to 10 in this listing. It depends on how much sway FedEx will have (and it could be a lot).
- Air Force – Unless they also get Navy I can’t see this happening.
- Navy – Unless they also get Air Force I can’t see this happening.
- North Dakota State – Crazy…or is it? No it is crazy but the Bison need to be invited to the Mountain West like yesterday.
So there you go. I see four teams eventually being invited with BYU and Cincinnati the obvious first two. The rest will have to sell their souls to get one of those final two spots.