College Football

Week 5 College Football Recap – Sponsored by Hurricane Joaquin


Hey Joaquin, thanks for giving us sloppy football this past weekend. Much appreciated. Actually, to be honest, in most of the weather-affected games, the play didn’t look a whole lot different. I don’t know if that’s an indictment or a positive about college football. All I know is that someone has to invest in a device that can wipe water off a television camera since watching some of these games was difficult at times (i.e. the use of the end zone camera on at least half-a-dozen plays in the Temple-Charlotte game).

Alright enough of that nonsense. Today’s recap will be done in AngryPost© since I am not in the best of moods. Should be fun, right? OK let’s begin:

  • Let’s start with what happened in Fort Worth.  Charlie Strong has no control over his team.  At all.  I don’t understand why since if he talked I would sure as hell listen.  (And before I continue, I hope that one Longhorns player who was on his phone tweeting during halftime was dismissed from the team.  We get it.  You’re a dick.  Now fuck off.)  I think it’s time to bite the bullet, fire him, have the assistant head coach (whoever the hell he is) take over for the rest of the season and hire a guy who obviously doesn’t take shit from anyone.  Think Mark Hudspeth of UL-Lafayette or if you want to go way off the board, hire Mark Mangino.  Sure the guy needs a forklift to get up and down the sidelines but he was the only person in God only knows how long to get Kansas (KANSAS!) to be a contender.  So he has the chops (the pork chops…get it?  Is this mic on?) to do the job.  I feel bad for Chuck but he needs to regroup at a Group of Five job and get himself back in the game.  Speaking of guys who probably need to go…
  • #FireAlGolden has to be my favourite hashtag these days.  The fact that people are willing to put up some of their hard-earned cash (probably working at Burger King or some shithole like that) to rent a plane to fly banners, praying that The U fires The Tie.  But honestly, he should probably go.  Hey, maybe they can make up for FIU’s mistake and hire Mario Cristobal?
  • Ohio State and Michigan State could end up being one of the worst 1 vs. 2 matchups ever.  Both teams have looked relatively average.  At least tOSU played a team that looks like a bowl team this year in Indiana (not a basketball school anymore, bitches!).  I don’t know what Sparty’s excuse is.  Purdue is awful.  Evil Saban couldn’t save this team.  So what MSU’s defense was doing allowing the Boilermakers to get within three late is mind-boggling.  They should have won by at least 20.  Speaking of teams that should have won really big…
  • LSU looked positively pedestrian the other night against Eastern Michigan.  Don’t get me wrong, Chris Creighton has the Eagles on the right direction (except for the funky grey turf….that shit is annoying).  But they should have been throttled by LSU.  Other than Leonard Fournette, who wants to clinch the Heisman yesterday, the rest of the team were looking ahead to their next conference game.  They get their mulligan this week.  Do it again later on in the season and The Committee may make them pay for it.
  • Jim Bob McElwain has his Gators humming for sure.  It’s not that Ole Miss is bad.  They are a very good team but Florida has been pretty fun to watch this season.  The Cocktail Party against Georgia will now be the de facto SEC East championship game.  So CBS, get Verne and Gary all liquored up early.
  • Northwestern is the REAL FUCKING DEAL people.  The Big Ten West better watch out.  Except for Nebraska since it looks like they are pining for the glory days of Bo “Four Losses or GTFO” Pelini.
  • College GameDay is in Salt Lake City this Saturday.  For Cal against Utah.  If that doesn’t tell you that the insanity of last season has carried over to this one, I don’t know what does.
  • That really was a great ABC Saturday Night game.  Clemson held on to beat the Irish and make my choice of them to run the table still a possibility.  Don’t count the Irish out of a New Year’s Six spot yet though.  I think they have a good shot to win the rest of their games.  Do that and they are in (and maybe have an outside shot at the College Football Playoff).  Now people can inexplicably start hating Dabo Swinney just like they hated Jimbo Fisher the past two years.  Because they were good at being a head coach.  People can be such jerks.
  • The Fighting RichRods of Tucson get blown out a second week in a row and THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!  OK, not really.  No one thought they would fall this fast but man have they ever looked like a Taco Bell bathroom lately.
  • ASU finally looked like how I thought they would look and beat UCLA pretty easily.  And hey, that last touchdown probably shows how overrated the Bruins probably were (and more specifically, how the Anointed One, Josh Rosen, was DEFINITELY overrated).
  • So four of the top ten fall this week and it felt so ho-hum.  I think we are too used to craziness like this now.

Alright that wasn’t nearly as angry as I thought it would be. I must have calmed down. Either that or the anger has turned to exasperation which then turned to not really caring anymore. Yeah that sounds about right.

Tomorrow will be a fantastic (perhaps) but still quick NFL recap. Then Wednesday we will finally look at the undefeated teams left in college football now that every third team isn’t undefeated anymore.


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